Dumbounded

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Dumbounded
4
Sun, 11-03-2013 - 2:23pm

I just found all his IM's, Emails, meet times etc.  I'm devestated.  I moved immediately out of the home but I'm still so pissed and sad.  It's only been about a week and a half but still, I cannot believe the level of rage this betrayal is causing.  I just lost my brother, we lost a baby over the summer and now to find out that pretty much the entire length of our relationship he's been cheating?  The most amazing thing is for the duration of our relationship, he challenged my honesty, my faithful nature and my ability to be truthful with my heart.  

Where to go from here?  Can anyone reccomend a book to read to keep me out of prison or at least one to restore the peace in my brain that I am so normally proud of being able to display?

Thank you for any wisdom that you may be able to share.

 Michele winter
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2002
In reply to: l8tolove
Sat, 11-09-2013 - 2:00am

You have reached an emotional level that I sought for days and weeks to achieve: Anger.  When I discoverred my H's affair, I fell apart, lost all my sef-respect, self-esteem.  I fell apart like a puddle of useless mud that he could tramp thru.  But then I forced myself to get counseling and on medications.  And OMG.  When those meds kicked in, at about the third week, I was able to stand strong..  Finally the anger settled in and honestly that is what made me the force to be respected and reckonend with.

 You  can convey power and respect and unflinching resolve when you lose the hurt and shame and focus on your own strength.  Wow!  Did it turn the tables for me.  Then and forever afterward.  STAY STRONG!

Avatar for pater_familia
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
In reply to: l8tolove
Mon, 11-04-2013 - 3:30pm

Dumbounded, 

I'm sorry you are going through this. I know exactly what you are feeling, I've been there. 
I wrote something up a few months ago about what to do after you first discover an affair, you can click HERE, to find it. 

Sending good vibes.  




 

Thomas

We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
In reply to: l8tolove
Sun, 11-03-2013 - 3:22pm
Thanks Kimmler :) I probably will keep from prison but I am bothered by the level of anger I have over this. I am so lucky that I do have good friends and family. I know I will eventually get better but how does one go about rebuilding trust after this? I really appreciate your kind words. Thank you. :)
 Michele winter
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2013
In reply to: l8tolove
Sun, 11-03-2013 - 3:14pm

Why would you end up in prison?  He's not worth it hun, he betrayed you and its his loss, he is lower than a snake and you did the right thing in leaving him.  I don't know how you will get over your loss of your brother, baby ect except by having good people around you, supporting you and being there for you.

Bless you, what sort of a man was he to treat you like this?  When you were going through this and to question your honesty and integrity?  It beggars belief.