E A has me torn apart

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2009
E A has me torn apart
3
Tue, 06-30-2009 - 6:10pm

Will try to make long story short - My h of 10 yrs. became too friendly w. a girl at work, took her to & from work, shared lunches, bought her cigarettes, etc. It was a long, hard battle until she moved out of state. I'll never know if he would finally have honored my wishes to leave her alone or not. I forgave & forgot - until recently when I was reminded of it. He now has Debi on his cell phone memory, just like he used to have Darla's. He said he only talks to her about work related things, but he called her at 7:30, way after work hours. What do I do?


Also, he has regularly been going to Kay's house. She lives 2 hrs. away, & is his brother's wife's sister. He says he has to go there & work on her house because he has to keep his brother happy! She is his ex flame from high school. She is not at all attractive & not his type at all. He's been going there off & on for over a year. Her hot water tank needs fixed, her bathroom needs retiled, etc. He put a window in for her. A month later, she decided she wanted the window moved! He moved it for her!! I told him it was time to cool it. Enough's enough. He refused, saying I wasn't going to control him. I said I will go with him & help him, then. He refused to let me go, too! I showed up once, anyway. They were both very uncomfortable. I've considered going there every time, but he goes on the sly. I don't find out till later. Then he denies it, but his credit card shows he got gas in her town, her phone # on his bill, etc. He refuses to stop going there. This has been going on a long time. He isn't hurrying to finish there. I've considered talking to her & telling her it's destroying our marriage. I doubt she'd care. Also, I want HIM to be the one to put a stop to it, & UNDERSTAND why it's wrong; otherwise, he'll keep finding others. This is an emotional affair (at least!) It's just about wrecked our marriage. He even stayed the night there. My trust is gone, and he has just about hurt the love right out of me. I told him that. He doesn't seem to care. We barely speak. Now he's going out of state to see his son whom he hasn't seen in many years. I'm thrilled for him & told him so, but he doesn't want me to go along. He wants his daughter to go. His brothers will go. Kay will go (in her own car). It's a family gathering for the 4th. He insists I stay home. What would you do? Seriously?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 06-30-2009 - 10:03pm

What would I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2009
Wed, 07-01-2009 - 7:28pm

Well, Lily, those sounded like wise words. Thank you. There is an update. He did agree to pay for a trip for me to go north to visit my grown kids when he gets back from his trip. Also, I found out that his son won't even be in TN. He has decided not to go. He also told me that he will go 1300 miles farther north to visit his sister. We don't have much in the way of money. He is ordinarily very frugal. When he said that I knew something was up. It turns out, he's going north to see his son - and his son's mom, his ex. I have no proof of this, but it isn't hard to put 2 & 2 together. I highly suspect his son has a 1 bedrm apt. I know his ex has a nice house w. a pool. Get the pic? Or am I imagining things, like he says?


As to a lawyer, there is no way I can afford one. I will probably have to go out there and struggle even harder than I do now. He isn't about to leave "his" house. He feels it is his because he had it when he married me. As far as I know, it is in both our names. The property tax is in both! Frankly, I'm afraid of what he might do if I tried to take it off him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Thu, 07-02-2009 - 12:57am
If your name is on the title of the house, there's nothing much he can do and you will not have to leave it - call your county court house and find out if your name is also on it, I did years ago and it wasn't, but you can bet I demanded it be on it, I gave him 30 days to do it.