Ending an "Innocent" Relationship

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2009
Ending an "Innocent" Relationship
Thu, 06-11-2009 - 1:14pm


Edited 6/16/2009 5:31 pm ET by patrix2009


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2007
Thu, 06-11-2009 - 1:40pm
The bottom line is this. If the relationship was "innocent" she would not have deceived you and kept it a secret. The fact that she did lets you know that on some level she knew what she was and is doing is wrong. I wouldnt be okay with my wife doing that. It is an emotional affair and is disrespectful to you and your marriage. I always say if there is nothing to hide, hide nothing.
If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it!
If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Thu, 06-11-2009 - 2:10pm
Sorry but if she was sending this guy thousands of texts and talking with him all thru the nite while you were gone on business I don't think this was as innocent as she claims it was. I'm not saying anything physical happened, but I would say this was (is) at least an emotional affair. She should cease all contact with him if she wants to save the marriage. That was WAY too much contact for a married woman to have with a male friend,especially an ex boyfriend.

Edited 6/11/2009 2:11 pm ET by peaceyma
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2008
Thu, 06-11-2009 - 3:07pm

The sheer number of texts and phone calls alone suggest this is way more than a neutral friendship.

Your wife has given you a textbook example of what a cheater says when caught: "I just needed a friend to talk to. It's completely innocent!"

And of course, she is blaming you for this. And she refuses to break contact with him. She is completely wrong - she needs to take full responsibility for this emotional affair and completely cut off contact with him!

Do you know how close this guy lives to you? Could she have met with him in person?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2009
Thu, 06-11-2009 - 3:15pm

I was in the same boat.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2008
Thu, 06-11-2009 - 5:00pm

Oh yes. The "Just a friend" story. It's a story many of us on this board know all too well.

My husband had a co-worker who was a friend. It started with a small group of co-workers going to lunch together once a week, and soon developed into hanging out in each other's offices, taking breaks alone together, and finally even hanging out during non-work hours.

She was 'just a friend' but she suggested they should go to a strip club together. She was 'just a friend' but she gave him a thank you card with a naked woman photograph on the cover. She was 'just a friend' but she liked to talk to him about the sex pillow she and her boyfriend used and she even loaned him the book of positions that came with that pillow. This same woman, when I confronted her, looked me in the eye and said that "Nothing was ever going to happen." Obviously she thought I was an idiot.

Nothing makes my blood boil like hearing that old excuse of how so and so is just a real good friend and if you trust me, you'll let me keep talking to them. Yes, it has to end. She needs to call this man IN YOUR PRESENCE and tell him that she has recommitted to her marriage and that she never wishes to have any contact with him again- end of story.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Thu, 06-11-2009 - 5:31pm

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2008
Thu, 06-11-2009 - 5:44pm
I agree this is not innocent. If you have nothing to hid then you hid nothing! You have every right to be upset and hurt and she may not have crossed any lines in her mind, but the question I would ask her is if the shoe were on the other foot how would she feel? That might get her to see that this friendship is not worth her marriage. Hang in there we are here for you when you need us.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Thu, 06-11-2009 - 6:33pm

Hi Patrix,

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Fri, 06-12-2009 - 12:46am
Don't be like I've been forever and be naive.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 06-12-2009 - 7:57am

You are absolutely 100% correct that this "friendship" should stop.