The sheer number of texts and phone calls alone suggest this is way more than a neutral friendship.
Your wife has given you a textbook example of what a cheater says when caught: "I just needed a friend to talk to. It's completely innocent!"
And of course, she is blaming you for this. And she refuses to break contact with him. She is completely wrong - she needs to take full responsibility for this emotional affair and completely cut off contact with him!
Do you know how close this guy lives to you? Could she have met with him in person?
I was in the same boat.
Oh yes. The "Just a friend" story. It's a story many of us on this board know all too well.
My husband had a co-worker who was a friend. It started with a small group of co-workers going to lunch together once a week, and soon developed into hanging out in each other's offices, taking breaks alone together, and finally even hanging out during non-work hours.
She was 'just a friend' but she suggested they should go to a strip club together. She was 'just a friend' but she gave him a thank you card with a naked woman photograph on the cover. She was 'just a friend' but she liked to talk to him about the sex pillow she and her boyfriend used and she even loaned him the book of positions that came with that pillow. This same woman, when I confronted her, looked me in the eye and said that "Nothing was ever going to happen." Obviously she thought I was an idiot.
Nothing makes my blood boil like hearing that old excuse of how so and so is just a real good friend and if you trust me, you'll let me keep talking to them. Yes, it has to end. She needs to call this man IN YOUR PRESENCE and tell him that she has recommitted to her marriage and that she never wishes to have any contact with him again- end of story.
"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop." Herb Stein
You are absolutely 100% correct that this "friendship" should stop.