Engaged

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2010
Engaged
3
Sat, 02-06-2010 - 10:37pm

So we aren't married, but need some support/advice, because we are engaged now.


We met over two years ago, he was still friends with his ex, but she was 200 lbs and said I had nothing to worry about. Well, he kept hiding her and before long I just didn't trust him because I caught him too many times still talking to her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2008
In reply to: ok2luv
Sun, 02-07-2010 - 12:13am

I don't like to answer these questions, because I am afraid of weighing in on such a big life decision, but I feel compelled to say something.

Marriage is hard. And being married to someone you are having trouble trusting is really hard. I'm still in my marriage not only because my H changed, but also because we had 21 years of history together to help us through all this.

Your fiancee cheated on you and in his previous relationship, plus went to see his ex against your explicit wishes. Between the cheating the the drinking (I know he is sober, but he is still an addict and that is probably the same flaws that lead him to cheat) I would say that your fiance has some major deep-seeded issues.

You are signing on for a hard life. Is this really what you want and what you want to bring children into?

Whatever way you decide, I would suggest some Al-Anon meetings, you might find some incite into your motivations for being with him and find some clarity either way for your decision.

I wish you the best in whatever you decide.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: ok2luv
Sun, 02-07-2010 - 12:38pm
I hope your
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2010
In reply to: ok2luv
Sun, 02-07-2010 - 1:45pm

Thank you for your comments. I went to a counselor when we started having problems and she coached me through ending our relationship, I went to al-anon, CODA. He wrote me letters telling me all of his dark secrets of his life. I felt sorry for him, I really did, for a child to go through what he did is just not fair. I saw him as a scared child, someone who was never loved. He says now that I saved him. He tried AA but he couldn't related, he also went to a few CODA meetings, he also went into