Feeling alone

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2001
Feeling alone
Sat, 08-09-2014 - 1:06pm

A couple of months ago I found out my husband cheated on me again (#4 that I know of). He slept with a woman he was in reserves with. I look at this situation and absolutely hate myself for continuing to put up with this. He blamed my seasonal affective disorder and of course I blamed myself. He is in therapy now; I refuse to go back into couples counselling with him. The last time we did it he was having another affair the whole time. I want to leave but several factors keep making me afraid to leave. 1) we have a lot of debt. He and I have been able to handle it financially together but I don't think I can handle it alone. 2) we live in Wisconsin; I have no family and very few friends around. I would truly be alone. I can't leave the state; my daughter is happy here and I don't want to uproot her life any further.3) I am scared of starting over at 40. I really don't know how to be on my own at this point. 

I realize as I read this how pathetic it sounds. I never thought I'd be this person. I just don't know where to begin again.