Feeling betrayed and wondering if I shou

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2009
Feeling betrayed and wondering if I shou
7
Tue, 05-12-2009 - 12:12pm

Hello all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2009
Tue, 05-12-2009 - 12:41pm

Ok, I am also new at this but I could not help but sharing my point of you as I to browsed Face Book and other sites looking for something to light the fire. Unbeknown to me my wife was having an affair with my best friend. It is now 9 weeks since D-Day.


From a mans point of view I think that the need for excitement outside the marriage is really caused by the non existent excitement with in the marriage. You see my wife's interests were somewhere else and as a result I to felt the need to get some action. Thankfully I never found what I was looking for and we are now working very hard at our marriage.


My advise is do not put up with it, if he tells others he is unhappy he probably is and just wont tell you because a husbands job is to protect his wife and he does not want to hurt you. However this is where he makes his mistake because the consequences of an affair are just not worth it.


You have to sit him down and have a heart to heart with him, I think you should go to neutral territory and tell him exactly how you feel about him and tell him where you see this relationship in a couple of years from now. Then ask him how he feels about the relationship and see what he has to say. I would not tell him that you know about his email which you referred to, not yet at least you have to build some trust before you enter that domain. The reason for this is that these email are his own secret for now and to break that territory now you would be risking far too much as it seems to me that you do not really now how he really feels about you. Take his reply and try to figure it out for yourself and if you need help post it on your blog there are many people who will give you sound advise. I can vouch for this as I am currently in my own healing process and I have got allot of help from this site.


Be as calm as a dove, and as sharp as a serpent. You have done the right thing by crying out for advise.


Wish you well.


Jonjon

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Tue, 05-12-2009 - 12:45pm
He should not be talking about being unhappy in his marriage to other women. That is reaching out emotionally to other women which is not a good thing and a sign of trouble. He should be coming to you if he is feeling unhappy in the marriage and NOT reaching out to other women. If he is telling OW he is not happy he could be prime for an affair if one of these women is also unhappy and they are reaching out to each other emotionally. Does he know you are reading this?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2009
Tue, 05-12-2009 - 3:19pm

Thank you both for your advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Tue, 05-12-2009 - 4:40pm
I don't think it's totally weird to reconnect with old friends as you're getting older, at some point mortality does smack you in the face and you really CAN find yourself wanting to find out how old friends' lives turned out.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2009
Tue, 05-12-2009 - 5:40pm

I am feeling just the way you are about this whole situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2008
Wed, 05-13-2009 - 12:01am

First off I wanted to agree with the other responses and say that you are right about these things being inappropriate. I can only think of one reason for a co-ed vacation sans-spouses. What he is doing is destructive to your relationship. BTW, the first thing he will probably tell you when he finds out you know is that you are over-reacting. Many of us here have heard that, but you are NOT over-reacting and you have to stand your ground.

I also want to say that your H may be telling others that he is unhappy in your marriage because he actually is. On the other hand, he may be telling them that as an excuse to get sympathy and test the waters to see who might be interested in a relationship of some kind with him.

I am sorry you have had to seek us out here, but I hope you find some help here. Keep us posted.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2009
Wed, 05-13-2009 - 3:14am

Please remember you are not over reacting, you know when they said marriage is hard work. This is what they mean and you will have to communicate your way through this.


I just need to point out again from a mans point of view. When you tell him that if he crosses the line its finished he does not get it believe me if anything it might come across as a challenge.


God speed and if you need anymore advise feel free to drop me a mail