Is a feeling enough?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2000
Is a feeling enough?
16
Wed, 03-11-2009 - 10:18pm

I have acess to my husband phone and I have been seeing a lot of unavailable numbers on his phone.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2003
Wed, 03-11-2009 - 11:31pm
Even if he is blocking a number when he is calling out, it will show on your phone bill.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2000
Thu, 03-12-2009 - 12:31am
So if I *67 and dial a number it will still show on my cell phone bill.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2009
Thu, 03-12-2009 - 3:58am

If it were me, and I've been in this situation before... I would point blank ask him. I wouldn't be agressive and accusing, I would simply ask why this number seems to be on his phone and on the bill. It #1 let's him know that you aren't a pushover and oblivious
& #2 that he isn't as keen as he thinks he is (IF he's doing what you suspect.)

I was a regular on this board about 5-6 years ago after my then husband of 22 years cheated on me online, left me for her, divorced me, moved her out from the east coast to the west coast and married her! He never had a cell phone and then all of a sudden, he gets one and she called him all the time on that.

Are there any changes you may not have noticed, like.. has he changed his password on his email acct so you can't get in? Is he alone a lot at home (ie: goes to another room for hours) does he get up in the middle of the night? Any of these could be signs...

I don't think there's much use in wringing your hands and waiting. If you are feeling something, you should ask your husband for the truth.. that's what marriage is supposed to be about... communication. I wish you good news and send cyber hugs, Jade

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 03-12-2009 - 10:44am
It would be nice to think her H would tell her the truth - but I doubt that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2008
Thu, 03-12-2009 - 11:07am

Hi Day,


My problem was calls, but mostly texts at odd hours. If there's a text after midnight, I guarruntee IT'S A WOMAN. My H's text beep would go off and I knew it was a woman. He would get out of bed and leave the room with his phone. During his "A" I was such a wreck, I lost at least 20 lbs, and went from a size 10 to a 4! I still have PTSD and literally 'flinch' when his text msg. beeps! It's gotten better but hasn't gone away completely.


If it was during the day he would start walking around outside. He received tons of texts during his "thing" and since D-Day he miraculously hardly ever receives them, especially at night. He has one guy he coaches with who is addicted to texting, (so is his wife, she texts me all the time, lol.) Sometimes if he sees something on the news (sports related) he will text my H about it, 11pm-12am ish. But my H shows me the texts now.


If he EVER started that pattern again I would go on full-blown alert! It was so incredibly disrespectful of him to communicate with her right in front of me! If he thought I was asleep he would txt back n forth right from our bed!


I actually found out for sure about the "A" when he left his phone downstairs and it beeped. I was always determined NOT to be a snoop but I couldn't stop myself anymore. Well it was her # and it said, "I can't wait to f-ck you again!" I guess that's pretty clear. He still insists she was "hoping that you would see it to upset you" and that he never touched her. Yeah, right!


Anyway, I think I might do a little more investigation before I'd tip him off. So he doesn't get more careful. Good luck, let us know what happens.


-Beach


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2009
Thu, 03-12-2009 - 7:49pm

Yes, it's absolutely possible that they could stop communicating that way. It's sad. But at least he will worry about his wife "knowing" and have to suffer with that too. I think the first course should be of honesty from the wife's side.. and if he chooses other methods of hiding this, then she'll know who and what she's dealing with and the capacity- which should tell her if she even wants to continue with a person like that after all.

Still, it is a sad byproduct that sneakiness seems to be the only real way to catch a sneak and a cheat. I guess I vote first for trying it from the straight and narrow. And if he seems surprised and goes into deep spy mode... then other tactics will have to be explored. Just my humble .02. Jade

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2006
Thu, 03-12-2009 - 10:41pm

THE BEST ADVICE ANY OF US CAN GIVE YOU, AND YOU SHOULD BE SURE TO TAKE IT THIS. W A I T !!!!!!!!!!!!!

DO NOT SHOW YOUR HAND UNTIL YOU HAVE ABSOLUTE PROOF. HE WILL LIE, LIE, LIE, AND THEN LIE SOME MORE. HE WILL TELL YOU YOU ARE CRAZY. HE WILL BE ANGRY THAT YOU ARE SNOOPING.

YOU ARE RIGHT, SOONER OR LATER HE WILL SLIP UP - WAIT FOR THAT TO HAPPEN.

DOES HE TAKE THE CALLS IN A PARTICULAR AREA OF THE HOUSE? IF SO GET A RECORDER AT WAL MART, THEY ARE NOT EXPENSIVE, THEN POSSIBLY YOU CAN GET HALF OF THE CONVERSATION.

BUT EVEN THEN WAIT UNTIL YOU CAN GATHER AS MUCH INFO AS POSSIBLE.

IF YOU SHOW YOUR HAND TOO SOON HE WILL ONLY GO DEEPER UNDER COVER.

YOU NEED TO PREPARE YOURSELF FOR WHAT YOU WILL DO IF HE IS CHEATING. YOU NEED TO HAVE A PLAN.

REMEMBER ONCE A MAN CHEATS AND HIS WIFE TAKES HIM BACK THE CHANCES OF IT HAPPENING AGAIN ARE GREAT. THERE ARE HOWEVER 'SOME' MEN WHO WILL GET IT, BUT THOSE ARE VERY FEW.

READ AS MANY POSTS AS YOU CAN. YOU NEED TO PREPARE YOURSELF FOR WHAT IS AHEAD. READING WHAT OTHERS HAVE GONE THRU, WILL HELP YOU.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Thu, 03-12-2009 - 10:49pm

Hi Daymillion


Sorry you have found yourself here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2008
Fri, 03-13-2009 - 2:33am
There may be an answer to this that I missing, but... can't you try calling that number and see who answers?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Fri, 03-13-2009 - 11:49am
If I had confronted W with what I suspected before I had proof it would still be happening.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

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