Finally posting...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2003
Finally posting...
1
Sun, 06-21-2009 - 2:14pm

I found out a week ago that my H had what started as an EA and wound up as a PA. I've been lurking here since & am finally posting to get some of this "poison" out of me. I'll start by saying we've had a rocky marriage and our sex life is not what it should be because I have medical issues - this does NOT excuse what he did but it lays some of the foundation for the story.

About a year ago, we got back together after a year separation. He had left me b/c he didn't feel loved anymore. We were about a month away from filing papers when he decided that he wanted to come back. I was so overjoyed that I never really asked what his motives were. He just said that I was showing that I cared again. (during our separation I accepted Christ as my savior and gave everything to Him so I had a wonderful peace...this is what I believe H was seeing)

Fast forward to this past Sunday when he disclosed he had an affair on what was supposed to be a martial arts seminar. He has been unemployed since October & been spending entirely too much time on the internet...it should have been a sign... He mentioned at the beginning of May that there was a martial arts seminar he wanted to go to...alarm bells went off & I even asked him if he was really going to meet someone from online and he said no...I chose to believe him & not live in suspicion. (turned out not to be such a brilliant move...) We really didn't have the money for the flight with him being out of work but I thought I was doing a good thing by letting him go since he was so bummed about being out of work...what a fool I was! After he came back, he was listless and not eating...again another sign.

So he finally tells me & that he's been talking to her online for about 6 months...I totally flipped and broke my hand punching the wall (and if I didn't have such a strong punch from karate I wouldn't have broken it LOL). After I calmed down some I was able to start processing it & deal with it. Then we are on our way back from the hospital & OW calls him...apparently HER H threw her out (what did she expect??) and he left to make a "private" call...I was SO mad...when he came back I told him he was to mske no contact with her. He told me he "owes it to her" b/c she was thrown out and had nowhere to go. I told him he owed her NOTHING and what about what he owes me since I am his WIFE and the mother of his child??? So we talk this through and again I cal down and start processing it. Oh, did I mention this was my DD's birthday weekend??? Poor kid!! She knew mommy & daddy were mad at each other.

Later on that night I get a message on FB from OW's best friend (OW no longer had internet as her H had taken it away) and she told me my H told OW he was leaving me for her...I asked him why he was still here and he never really answered. My guess is my DD.

Now I waver between anger and despair....with LOTS of prayer. I went to church last night & told my pastor what was going on so we met this AM to talk about it and it helped to have that sounding board. I left with a little more clarity about the situation & some peace from being able to pray with my pastor about it.

well that's enough for now...typing w/one hand stinks!


Nadine - deenie1979


jesussig.jpg image by nadine1979


Nadine - deenie1979

jesussig.jpg image by nadine1979

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 06-22-2009 - 8:15am

I'm sure it's difficult in many ways for your H to be unemployed, but it sounds like he's self-medicating his bruised self esteem.