first trip to the MC

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
first trip to the MC
34
Wed, 03-17-2010 - 6:15pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2010
Thu, 03-18-2010 - 2:17pm
I have never posted here before. I sit and read, looking for some sign that there is really someone who understands how it feels to love him and hate him. We have talked about seeing an MC but I dont think I am ready. I cant escape what is in my mind and no amount of talking or explanation has helped. Our day to day lives seem normal, but every song on the radio screams LEAVE HIM. Every time I feel like I am doing well something comes in and completely destroys me. I lie every time I touch him or he touches me. It has been 8 months and I dont know why I am here or how I got here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
Thu, 03-18-2010 - 4:03pm

I am glad that I could reach someone with truth.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2010
Thu, 03-18-2010 - 4:55pm
I am trying but there seems to be neverending thoughts about it in my head. We have dinner and I wonder if they had dinner. We play cards and I wonder if they played cards. Part of me wants to run out and have an affair just so he knows how this feels. People that know me have told me they would understand no matter what I did. I cant tell him all of that. He is so sensitive. Everytime we start to speak about it he seems to get angry or short with me. Is that normal? I guess I want to know if what he is doing now is common and if what I am doing is common. I feel empty. I feel ugly and dirty. Sometimes I want to go to a laundry or a grocery store just to see if someone will hit on me to make me feel like they want me. Am I crazy? Has this ruined me?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2010
Thu, 03-18-2010 - 5:58pm

I am leaving work soon and I dont want to open this at home. I cant tell him these things. I will check to see if anyone else has any input later.


Thank you so much.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Thu, 03-18-2010 - 7:15pm

Hi!


I hear your pain and confusion. I am on the board because a month ago I discovered that my husband has been texting his ex and also texting another woman who is my "friend"...He sent hundereds of texts withing a month.... Every day they texted..I could not see the texts that were sent they were all deleted..But I had a gut feeling, checked the phone bill and saw all the times he was texting these two woman...I had even asked him how often he was texting them, he said once a week. He failed to mention that sometimes it was 20 to 100 times a day and it was every day, not once a week...


He never had sex with these woman, they are out of state....But the feeling of betrayl and hurt are agonizing.....He crossed the line again and again with his behavior and disrespected me the whole way...


We have sex we sleep together, but I sometimes feel so turned off....I am touching and sharing myself with a man who I dont trust....I am being intimate with someone after they have betrayed me and lied to my face again and again..Does not really inspire romance does it?


And I sit and wonder...Why? WHy? Why? Why did he text them day and nite? Wasnt I exciting enough? Why would he rather spend his time on them versus me?


And I think back to all the times I sat and waited to hear from him, hoping to get a text.... Meanwhile he was carrying on with these two woman...How sad really.. I sat by the phone and always loved hearing from him, but he gave his time and effort to other woman when I would have been so grateful for his time and effort...


Really when you get down to it, how sad...How pathetic was I? Waiting for some attention from this man while he is giving it away to others..


I dont really feel like getting revenge, a little here and there. But really I know it is his problem....I didnt cause this and it isnt my fault, it is his fault for not doing the right thing....


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2010
Thu, 03-18-2010 - 11:27pm

I wanted to say thank you about posting going to the MC. I totally connected with what you said about wanting to stay and leave him all in the same breath. I found out about my H's double life in January and have vacillated between staying and leaving every day since I've found out. One day I'm convinced I want to stay, another I'm convinced that I want to leave.

We have an appointment next week with a MC, so reading your post helped me to feel hopeful. Hopeful that there will be some good, some healing that comes of it, whether we stay together or not. So I just wanted to say thank you and I hope your counseling goes well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
Fri, 03-19-2010 - 12:57am

all you are felling is normal, but he should not be angry, he should be understanding. And I feel confident in saying that you wont feel any better if you have an A.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2010
Fri, 03-19-2010 - 2:04pm

I should have mentioned that I work part-time here and this is the only computer I have outside the apartment. Thank you for trying to help me understand all this. I feel like my insides are going to explode. I was sitting with him last night talking and laughing about something our cat was doing and suddenly I wanted to cry. He doesnt even know I feel this way and I dont know how to tell him. He has been so honest about his feelings, why can't I be about mine. I used to plan to do erotic things with him and to him and now it never enters my mind. I can feel him uncertain about me when he used to be so strong. I cant help thinking that it is me. That he isnt that into me or attracted to me even when he does everything that feels so right. I think maybe that is the first thing I need to overcome because our physical relationship was a very big part of our relationship. Do I just pretend or fake it? Do I do all the things I used to? How? I dont even think about doing them?Thank you again for helping me. So much of this isnt here.


Oh. I work from 2 to 6 so if I dont type as much you will know why.


Thank you


P.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
Fri, 03-19-2010 - 2:52pm

the physical part of your relationship is very important and believe it or not you sound just like me. That part of our relationship was always fun and exciting


and I too have suffered from what I do and dont feel comfortable doing in the bedroom( or anywhere else heehee)


not because I dont want to so to speak but because it instantly puts me back to A and what they did and how they did it. Morbid but true, then suddenly I want to be sick. My H even gave me an STD, imagine that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
Fri, 03-19-2010 - 3:02pm

I will be thinking and praying for you both. For true healing and real understanding.


Its not easy but I am glad to give some real heart felt feelings to someone who needs them. Currently I think we all need each other. To listen and learn


We all seem to suffer in a very similar way.


I am thankful for hope


Love and Grace :)


S


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