Found out 2 days ago of W affair

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2007
Found out 2 days ago of W affair
19
Tue, 06-09-2009 - 2:49pm
So I found out on Sunday about my wifes ongoing affair. I have had my suspicions about her for sometime now. We have had issues in our marriage and were discussing separation. She tries to use these as an excuse for her behavior which I think is absolute BS. I got into her email and found transcripts sent from her Blackberry to this other man she was involved with 5 years ago. She talked about how they were "soul mates" and he was her ideal type of man. He sent her a pic of his penis and she then sent him a pic of her vagina, they then went on to have phone sex. She was attempting to get him to file for divorce with his wife so they could be together. She also tried to fly to Washington on the 25 of May to have sex with him. She has had many phone calls with this man lasting hours. She has shared intimate details of our marriage, sex life and our kids life with this man. She also has been in contact with 2 other boyfriends she had before we got married. She really has tried to minimize this and says it was only an emotional affair. She thinks that because she didnt physically have sex with this man that it is not that bad. I disagree. I dont really know what to do at this point. I am a Christian man who is conflicted about staying with this woman. We have kids together. But after what I read I dont know if I could ever trust her again.
If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Tue, 06-09-2009 - 3:34pm

Bornagain,


I've not been able to come up with a good way to address people on their first visit here, except to say that I'm glad you're reaching out for help instead of suffering in isolation.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

Avatar for pater_familia
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Tue, 06-09-2009 - 4:07pm

Ok buddy.

First thing is that you have to take care of you. If you take care of yourself, you will be able to better cope with what's coming, what ever that is.

Eat, and eat right. I stopped eating when I found out about my wife's physical affair (PA) and lost like thirty lbs. I stopped sleeping as well and I was unable to cope with simple things, let along the drama of an affair. So force yourself to get some good food in you. No junk food!

Get some sleep if you can. Easier said than done I know.

Acquire some legal help. Just have it set up even if you don't use it.

Read the 180 list:

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlemotional/?msg=1662.1

Chin up brother. You can get through this. We are here for you. Post what is going on ok.

Thomas

5 kids ages 15-9, D Day: August 5, 2008

Status: Figuring it out. Together.

Thomas

We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2009
Tue, 06-09-2009 - 5:05pm

I'm glad I'm not the only one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Tue, 06-09-2009 - 5:32pm

Thank you for saying it is not "your fault."

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2007
Tue, 06-09-2009 - 9:27pm

Thanks for the kind words and advice guys. I saw my marital counselor tonight for the 2nd time w/o my wife and she basically said I should leave her. She is not ready to admit fault and wants to blame me for her actions. It hurts because my heart says to try to make it work, but logic tells me that the therapist is right. I dont think she will change. LAME!

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2009
Wed, 06-10-2009 - 7:04am

I guess it's a good sign that my wife did go to counseling with me Monday night on short notice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Wed, 06-10-2009 - 10:05am

Yeah, they ALL want to blame us for their actions.


Here's something I picked up through one of my resources;

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2009
Wed, 06-10-2009 - 10:11am

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 06-10-2009 - 12:55pm

It doesn't sound like your wife is truly sorry for what she did, just sorry she got caught.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2009
Wed, 06-10-2009 - 1:54pm

Bornagain...Unfortunately you have just joined a club of Betrayed Spouses.

I see that you have already received some GREAT advice. Please follow it. I know that the shock of Discovery can be crippling. I went through 7 months ago. Take the time to decide what you want.

Keeping posting here. You find alot of support from men and women.

I am sorry that this happened to you but realize two things: IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT and you are not alone.

Jack,,,,

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