Found out yesterday about EA, what to do now?
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|Mon, 01-24-2011 - 1:45am|
So yesterday I found out My DH has been having an EA with a co-worker for about a month. We have been together for 6 years and married for three. We just had our second baby 2 months ago!! There were over 1700 text messages on our account. I had a gut feeling that something wasn't right, and DH had gotten a new phone a couple of days ago and I asked to see it under the guise of I wanted to see what it did. Well he deleted something on the phone right before he handed it to me and was very concerned with me having it so I knew it was confirming my worst fears. I work midnights (and have been back to work for 1 month). So as soon as I got to work I looked at our cell phone bill and found all the texts. I immediately called him and confronted him. He admitted it and said he needed someone to talk to and feels like I am not available to him and haven't been in years. We have not had a sexually intimate relationship in 4 years! Our new baby was a one time drunken night that I had to practically beg for sex. He says he is not attracted to me because i have put on weight since having my first child and now even more with having the second child. I am devestated. He told me he wants to work on our marriage, that he doesn't want it to end. We are going to go to marriage therapy. My concern is that he told me he ended it with OW this morning via text. I have looked at our cell statement and their have been no other texts since he told me he ended it. However, he is still holding onto his cell phone for dear life, when he used to leave it laying around all the time. He has also changed all of his email passwords as of last night. I did admit to him that after seeing all the texts I immediately went to email.. didn't really find anything but still.... How can I make him understand that I need to have access to these things to start rebuilding trust? Is it wrong of me to demand this? How can i ever be comfortable with him going to work again since he works with this girl? How do I get my self esteem back? How can I live with someone who is not attracted to me and who I don't have a sexual relationship with? How can I help my children and how do I start putting my needs first? I am so confused, angry, and sad I don't know what to do with myself. He keeps saying " I don't understand how you could be so upset about just texts" he doesn't understand it's about the betrayal.