I can tell you that i understnad where you are. My H came clean after nine years of marriage, that was just over two years ago. The first year for me was a roller coaster ride of emotions. I went from one extreme to the next. After the first year it got better, the emotional roller caoster was fewer and further between. In my case there were many, many affairs. I am at a point where I am just focused on me. Everyone is so different on how they heal, how long it takes to heal, and how they get there.
It's just so hard to know what to do and where to go from here. I mean, I'm young, I'm healthy and pretty, I have a great job, great friends, I own my own home, I can just walk away - I have no marriage, no kids, nothing binds me to this person except my love for him. But that will fade in time wouldn't it. One day I'll meet someone who wouldn't treat me like this, who would respect me and love me the way I deserve to be.
But what if you walk away and you never feel the love you feel with this person. If I could get past this, if love was strong enough and took us to a deeper and stronger love than ever before (one in which he could never do this again) then it must be worth it do you think? I am so confused. The journey with your soul mate takes a lifetime doesn't it? There is no end, no destination, every day, every year and every decade is your journey together.
I know he loves me I do not doubt that, but maybe he is just not mentally and emotionally where I am at? Do you wait for them to get there? I feel like this has been a coming of age for him. He has looked inside himself and realised what type of person you must be to do this. He has realised that he didn't even know what his values were, he had never thought about what he wanted from our love - he just loved me that was all -he didn't know what values he would ever teach his son (he said to be a good person, and I said but how would you teach that and he thought and looked at me and said, to respect the ones you love), he realised he couldn't stand up and say I am proud of everything I am becuase he doesn't even know who he is. So do I walk with him down this road of self discovery? Do I encourage him in his journey of finding is inner being so that he can be the best that he can possibly be, or do I walk away, becuase I got hurt. Bexcause it took my heart and my soul for him to begin how to find his.