Getting arrested!!!!!:(

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2009
Getting arrested!!!!!:(
13
Sat, 04-25-2009 - 11:12pm
My no good for nothing husband tricked me into inviting his girlfriend to live with us. Long story he claimed they were just friends and I felt uneasy about having another woman live down the hall but we could use the extra cash. Anyways when she got here I knew they were sleeping together. Neither of them have jobs but she gets a disability check every month. Anyways he spends. 99.9 percent of his time with her. I have to go to bed early because I have to get up at 6 every morning. They stay up and watch tv/movies until 5 or 6 in the morning and then they sleep all day when I'm at work. They also go out to dinner and lunch together and they bring back leftovers. He says I should be happy about this.He hasn't taken me out since December. She moved in the day after Christmas. I must give you more facts so you can get the full picture. She is a 39 year old mother of five and her kids are living in Sacramento. The youngest is ten years old. My two year old stepson was calling her mom and I felt like she should have corrected him but her and my husband said they didn't see anything wrong with it. My husband has never had a job in the 3 years I've been married. They are always whispering and they have little private jokes. He forbid me from grocery shopping or cooking. He checks her phone to see who she's texting or talking to. She is pretty much his servant/mistress. One night at about 10 pm he felt like having a certain dessert. She called around until she found a restaurant that was open and brought it home for me. I had a miscarriage in february while he was in Sacramento with her. I called him and asked him to come home. He said no. By the way I was 5 months pregnant. Two weeks ago he yelled at me for crying over the miscarriage and called me a stupid @itch. Said I was weak and should be over it by now. Ok. I thinks that's enough bacground. I went into her room today and totally destroyed it. I was so pissed at having to deal with this woman being in my house and disrespecting me. By the way I gave him an ultimatum three weeks ago to kick her out or he would lose me. He said he would not break his promise to her and that she was his family. She's calling the police on me right now. I was not home when they finally returned from their Saturday outing. But my husband called to tell me that he did not want to see my face. I'm in a parking lot right now with no place to go and no one to call. I'm so afraid of being arrested. I did not break or tear up anything. I just made a mess of her bed and clothes. My husband is always telling me that if I leave him I'll be alone for life. I'm scared. What would you do in my position? Help!!!!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sat, 04-25-2009 - 11:26pm
Do you have any family or friends you can go stay with?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Sat, 04-25-2009 - 11:26pm

You won't be alone for life, he has no right to abuse you that way, and you deserve better.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2009
Sat, 04-25-2009 - 11:52pm
I cut my family off because they did not approve of him. He does not allow me to have friends. He says I need to concentrate on making him and the family (which includes her). He says I don't have time for friends. I'm in a messed up state right now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
Sun, 04-26-2009 - 12:22am
I don't know your whole history with this man, but what you've told us here, you need to get away from him. In my opinion, he is definitely having an affair with her, right under your nose. He treats her like she's the wife and you're an underling. Honestly, I don't know why you want to stay with someone who has no job, is cheating on you and treats you like crap. Sounds like it's time for you to get the hell out of there, and good for you! You don't need this pathetic excuse for a husband.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2007
Sun, 04-26-2009 - 12:54am

Okay first of all, this is a bad situation. I won't make light of it because if you make light of it.....you could end up badly hurt or worse.


This is what I would do. I would first use what I had in my savings or the next paycheck and get a new apartment. A down payment for an apartment is not very expensive. Reason being the law is on their side. You can't kick them out without giving them 30 days. However, you could find a new place, and cut off all the eletricty ,gas , phone, and anything else. Make sure you find a place first. Then I would be very careful as to meeting with anyone of them alone.


He will tell you anything to get you to continue to support him and his girlfriend. Life is something that YOU make it. It is like a horse race. You can either go to show which means you take what you get. Even if it means there are other spots that are better. In your case better people and situations. You can place which means you are in a okay position. It isn't too bad, but it isn't great either. However you are okay with who you are. Or, you can win. You can be happy, like yourself, get to know yourself and your needs. Never let a man scare you into thinking you are less than who you are. The situation is...........you are the bread winner, you are the provider...so you have the ball in your court.


PEOPLE WILL ONLY DO WHAT YOU LET THEM.


I would hate to see this on lifetime with you getting really hurt or worse by them two. They need each other.....to me it seems as if he has already replaced you. SO SHOW HIM SHE IS NOT YOU. You can get a new place , pay your bills, and live nicely.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Sun, 04-26-2009 - 1:29am
No brainer, pack your own stuff and leave.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Sun, 04-26-2009 - 7:54am

Expanding upon what Shesant said this rivited my attention;


"I cut my family off because they did not approve of him. He does not allow me to have friends. He says I need to concentrate on making him and the family (which includes her). He says I don't have time for friends."


This is one of the biggest warning signs of an abuser.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2008
Sun, 04-26-2009 - 8:28am

I think it's way over due that you leave this goodmfor nothing slimeball and get your self and attorney. HE exhinbits all kinds of abuse behaviour. Stop being a doormat and get some power back.


S

Avatar for pater_familia
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Sun, 04-26-2009 - 8:49am

Take a deep breath. Get busy. Get your family back. Get some help. You are going to have a wonderful life. There is just some hard stuff to do right now.

Get away from that man. You deserve better and there is lots better out there. Like about a billion options better. Chin up, you can do this.

Thomas

Thomas

We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2007
Sun, 04-26-2009 - 10:13am

from your post you sound almost worn out from his brainwashing.

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