Got proof . . . he did it AGAIN . . . with HER!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2012
Got proof . . . he did it AGAIN . . . with HER!
Wed, 10-24-2012 - 10:06pm
I'm new here but, sadly, I'm not new to being a betrayed spouse.  

I just caught my husband red-handed (as in texting and e-mailing) in his THIRD affair with the SAME WOMAN.  He had a long-term affair with her years ago.  I caught them.  Thought they both moved on.  Got over the pain and rebuilt our marriage.  Had a short interaction with her shortly after that.  I caught him AGAIN.  They ended it.  Recently, I suspected problems again and gained access to his e-mail and phone.  The messages were over the top: "I love you . . . will never let go of you . . . blah blah blah."  THREE STRIKES!

When I confronted him this time, he downplayed his emotions for this woman -- showed me he cut her off -- and vowed to work on us, but COME ON!  I handed him his own words this time, so he had no where to go and nothing to deny.  How can he say he has never let her go and still loves her after all this time if it's not true?  Based on his words to him, there's nothing for me to work on with him.  What's worse, I really have no illusions that he WON'T pick up with her again in the future based on his past behavior.  Trust is destroyed at this point.  Can we rebuild?

We have a 12-y-o daughter and I can't even begin thinking about breaking up this family, but I'm heartbroken.  And miserable.

Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Wed, 10-24-2012 - 10:35pm


I am so sorry that you are going through this.

You did not break it up, he did, and she did.

I was devastated when I went through this with my now ex-husband.

You deserve happiness and so does your daughter.

Three times is two too many times, you know in your heart of hearts.

I believed mine, I was pregnant with our ds and we had our dd.

After he left me, he divorced me and married the OW.

By the way they ended up breaking up and divorcing to.

It's too hard to live like this has not come to LIGHT.

My heart goes out to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2012
Thu, 10-25-2012 - 6:37am

This is sad and im sorry this had to happen to you, but one thing you need to know that it was his fault three times is three times too many and once a cheater always a cheater. Right now you need to do what is best for you and your daughter it hurts now I know but over time it will get better, you need to find a close friend or family member you can talk about it with, but in the end you must do what feels right to you or you will never be happy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2012

I know I shouldn't focus on this but I am sort of compelled to know:  does he actually love this woman?  I can't help but think he's got something deep seated in him for her for it to go on as long and as many times as it has, despite the consequenses.  The fact that he's willing to lose so much for her.  Either way, I'm thinking he and I have to be OVER.  I'm just devastated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 10-26-2012 - 10:48am

I don't think you can know if he loves her or is just infatuated with her or there's something about the secrecy of the affair that's the attraction--maybe if they were together out in the open every day, they would lose interest.  but the thing is that he keeps going back to her--it's not just that he's a cheater, he's very involved with this one woman and since you've caught him at different times, it doesn't look like he will stay away from her.  so I don't know how you could stay in this marriage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Mon, 10-29-2012 - 11:53am

Whether or not he loves her depends on your definition of love. If it means he will always be drawn to profess love toward her and have sex with her then yes, he loves her.

If it means that he does what's best for her, then probably not.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2012
Tue, 10-30-2012 - 12:15am

If you told us that you caught him once and he regretted it, I would say, you should give him another chance.  But a person can really only be sorry once for the same crime.  It wants his cake and eat it too.

I divorced earlier this year.  I filed last year and it has been a heart wrenching year, plus.  But When I stayed, I just didn't like myself too much.  I kept thinking he would be faithful as he got older.  And when that didn't happen, I kept wondering how I would be...Where I would be in my life, if I had bit the bullet and got the whole ugly ordeal overwith. It sucked, I won't lie to you.  But I made it through and I would do it all over again to get to where I am now.

Best to you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2012
Tue, 11-06-2012 - 4:59am

I'm in the same position...

I was reading cheatingpeolpe and I found the english version of endoacustica

I wanna know if someone had business with my wife... I'm finding something like detector bugs... I suspect she's cheating me! Please help me!!!