Grown Child of Parents who Have Marital Problems

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2008
Grown Child of Parents who Have Marital Problems
Fri, 12-28-2012 - 7:11pm

My mom was never loving.  She rarely hugged or kissed me as a child and I am 27 now and she doesn't express affection. 

When I was 0 years old to when I was 11, my dad had many affairs.  And my mom found out when I was 11, and things happened at night when they were fighting.  There was verbal abuse, violence and threats to kill my dad. 

My mom is a very bitter woman.  She didn't throw birthday parties for me ever.  I put myself in therapy at age 14...I told my mom to sign the papers. 

I moved out and supported myself at age 21 & now I am 27.  I just earned my Bachelor's Degree and I have 2 jobs in my career field. 

When I went to visit my mom on Christmas, my dad was at work.  My mom put me in my brother's room (he moved out across the country) and I read a book in there, then I was called out to eat...then she sent me back to my brother's room to wait for the bus. 

I am 27.  I am old and should be more mature.  But it still hurts that I don't have a loving mother.  My dad makes conversation with me....but he's usually quiet.  I spent most of my Christmas holiday with secondary family. 

My mom is so cold & negative...I am not sure I feel love between us.  When she talks, she doesn't really take in what I say and just keeps talking over me. 

My friends know me as this sweet, loving, supportive girl.  But it's this rejection from my mother that hurts.  If I ever confronted her....which I would never.....she will not really register my words in her mind & keep talking over me (=not care/understand).

I had many failed relationships with men looking for love & I haven't been single for 8 years.  Right now I am single, and hope to work on myself. 

I need from iVillage users:

- please share your experiences with me so I don't feel like the only one with PARENTS WITH MARITAL PROBLEMS

- I need reassurance because I feel sad

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010

  You must love yourself first.  What your mother was not has nothing to do with you.  It is in your mind that is created this dream of what you wanted it to be.  But by doing this it is that sad dream that poisons everything emotional.  Accept what is.  Your mother is not going to be what you want.  But you loving yourself can overcome this and if necessary obtain professional help.