grrr. wife at it again

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2008
grrr. wife at it again
Sat, 01-17-2009 - 6:09pm

*Sorry if this is a double post, I tried posting earlier and I think I hit the wrong button*

DDay was 9/4/08

Things have gotten progressivley better since mid-October, up until recently at least.

I've been becoming suspicious over the last 2 weeks or so- 3 instances where my wife couldn't account for her time after being gone for a few hours shopping.

She's has gotten grouchy towards me and more aloof.

I've been checking her emails but haven't found anything suspicious.

This morning I found something on her computer, an google IM. She had called me at work yesterday about how to set up a yahoo or a gmail account, but I didn't htink anything of it at the time. We have a joint Gmail account that we both use, but her browser history was wiped and the IM window showed a difrerent gmail login name (herown) and a name of a man in her contact list (more about this later). I wasunableto open her gmail account, but as luck would have it, it opens from the IM window if you click an icon (found this out by accident).

I found two chat sessions last night- she was up late after I went to bed. They chatted about hiding her tracks from chatting and internet- my wife was worried because she described me as a 'computer wizard' (I'm really not). From the conversation, OM wanted her to install another IM so he could send her webcams, but she wasn't able to because of her lack of admin priviledges on her work computer. She installed it on my computer- a computer she hasn't use once int he last 6 years.

I tried to put a keylogger on her computer but failed for the same reasons that she couldn't install an IM. But I put a logger on my computer. I think now I'm going to sit back and see what kind of fish I catch- probably going to put together a package to mail to OM's wife (he's the same guy that was sending her explicit emails back in september and my wife was supposed to be 'no-contact' with). Having him worry about what his own wife is going to do will probably make him a little less interested in mine.

This whole ball of crap has taken its toll on me since September- I had a bad last quarter at work and lost my raise and bonus (I'm scrambling now just to keep my job). A guy who is only 36 shouldn't know a cardiologist, but I do because of my heart skipping (cardiologist says its caused by too much caffeine or too much stress(premature ventricular contractions)- I cut out the caffeine, but its still doing it. I also have weird eye problem (leaking retina) which the opthamologist says is usually linked to stress.
The stress caused illnesses alone have cost thousands of dollars- laser scan of my eyes, trip to the ER when my I first noticed my heart malfunctioning, and various doctor consultations including with a cardiologist.

I need vacation- from my wife.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Mon, 01-19-2009 - 3:21pm
Well this should be pretty interesting to find out what's going on. As they say "Trust but Verify". Although it really is sad that we have to stoop to snooping to keep our spouses honest isn't it .
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2008
Mon, 01-19-2009 - 3:37pm
I think you should do the 180 also-----she sounds very determined to do what she wants no matter what. I hope you have thought through a Plan B and have it in your back pocket just in case. I would hope you would not need it and your W would come to her senses, but if she is actively involved, she is not thinking of you, the M or the consequences of her actions. You need to set boundaries and take care of yourself. Try to disengage from the emotional ( it sounds impossible , but it helped me so much in dealing with my H) aspect and focus attention on you and what makes you happy and makes you YOU.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2008
Mon, 01-19-2009 - 5:40pm


I had been wondering on how things were going for you as well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 01-19-2009 - 7:38pm
A good way to find out where a cheater is going ... throw a GPS tracker in the back of vehicle. Perhaps the spare tire area.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2009
Mon, 01-19-2009 - 9:17pm

Brian..I am sorry that you are going through this a 2nd time. I am barely getting through this the first time.

If this was an innocent conversation she would not be looking to cover tracks.


Send me an email if I can help..


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2008
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 10:47am

I looked at her blackberry last night. She obviously deletes her call logs to OM.

I looked at her contact list and OM was highlighted.

She might have meant to call him, but found that I changed the numbers. No calls were on my cell, so she probably caught on to what I did.

I'll check again tonight. If she resets the contact numbers to his correct numbers, it means that she would have had to contact him- all of her contacts are on her work computer/blackberry, and I confirmed that the contacts were changed on both.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2009
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 11:06am

If you do call OM's W please be gentle. Don't do what I did. I can't believe how crude I was and how much it hurt her. OM's W does deserve to know. Your pastor will counsel against but in reality that means that you are helping him have an A with your W. You have become an accomplice. Sounds sick huh??

If my W wanted a D all she had to do was tell me. Would I be hurt, yes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2004
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 11:39am

I don't mean to be harsh here, but she's not stupid. If she was about to call the OM and noticed that the contact number was different what makes you think she'd change it back?


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2009
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 12:58pm
whats a keylogger and hows it work?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2008
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 1:21pm
Brain--what I have learned from all of this is : half--okay practically all