grrr. wife at it again

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2008
grrr. wife at it again
101
Sat, 01-17-2009 - 6:09pm

*Sorry if this is a double post, I tried posting earlier and I think I hit the wrong button*

DDay was 9/4/08

Things have gotten progressivley better since mid-October, up until recently at least.

I've been becoming suspicious over the last 2 weeks or so- 3 instances where my wife couldn't account for her time after being gone for a few hours shopping.

She's has gotten grouchy towards me and more aloof.

I've been checking her emails but haven't found anything suspicious.

This morning I found something on her computer, an google IM. She had called me at work yesterday about how to set up a yahoo or a gmail account, but I didn't htink anything of it at the time. We have a joint Gmail account that we both use, but her browser history was wiped and the IM window showed a difrerent gmail login name (herown) and a name of a man in her contact list (more about this later). I wasunableto open her gmail account, but as luck would have it, it opens from the IM window if you click an icon (found this out by accident).

I found two chat sessions last night- she was up late after I went to bed. They chatted about hiding her tracks from chatting and internet- my wife was worried because she described me as a 'computer wizard' (I'm really not). From the conversation, OM wanted her to install another IM so he could send her webcams, but she wasn't able to because of her lack of admin priviledges on her work computer. She installed it on my computer- a computer she hasn't use once int he last 6 years.

I tried to put a keylogger on her computer but failed for the same reasons that she couldn't install an IM. But I put a logger on my computer. I think now I'm going to sit back and see what kind of fish I catch- probably going to put together a package to mail to OM's wife (he's the same guy that was sending her explicit emails back in september and my wife was supposed to be 'no-contact' with). Having him worry about what his own wife is going to do will probably make him a little less interested in mine.

This whole ball of crap has taken its toll on me since September- I had a bad last quarter at work and lost my raise and bonus (I'm scrambling now just to keep my job). A guy who is only 36 shouldn't know a cardiologist, but I do because of my heart skipping (cardiologist says its caused by too much caffeine or too much stress(premature ventricular contractions)- I cut out the caffeine, but its still doing it. I also have weird eye problem (leaking retina) which the opthamologist says is usually linked to stress.
The stress caused illnesses alone have cost thousands of dollars- laser scan of my eyes, trip to the ER when my I first noticed my heart malfunctioning, and various doctor consultations including with a cardiologist.

I need vacation- from my wife.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2009
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 1:27pm

Can I ask a question..Why not be friends with other victim?


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2008
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 1:50pm
friendly and seek information but if you become her shoulder ....well that is just another boundary--and it gets into some dependency issues----it is just better to keep it arms length. Free flow of information.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2004
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 2:09pm

It complicates things and becomes a distraction to what the real issues are within each of your relationships.

Solazzo

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 2:28pm
If she is on to you what she will probably do it put his no under a alias name. My H did this, but little did he know I wrote down OW cell no.the first time and tucked it away in my purse (just in case) He reentered it under a mans name (which I now know from reading these boards is another common cheaters trick) So I hope you jotted down OM no.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2009
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 3:46pm

Thanks..I never thought of it that way..


Jack

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2009
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 7:02pm

As someone currently in the early rebuilding stages, I am curious why you don't just end the relationship right now. You have enough proof to know what is going on.

Is it just that you want overwhelming proof for court proceedings/custody?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2008
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 11:20pm

I just don't see much hope anymore.

My wife sent her 'friend' (oh yeah, its 'just a friend' I'm depriving her of now) a text this afternoon. I replied back. She didn't reply. I replied "Cat got your tongue?"

When she came home (late) she told me that she was texting me (b4lls!!!). She deleted the info on her phone, and deleted the OM's contact numbers. She lied to me for a full 1/2 hour before she conceded the truth that she tried texting OM. I noticed when I looked at her phone in front of her that OM had texted her over the last 3 days in the row, once again, it took 20 minutes to get past the lies on that one as well. She then told me that she lied because she was afraid that she'd make me angry! She told me that she didn't contact him any other way- I told her that she was lying again, but I didn't relent on my knowledge of the chat sessions.
My wife is a compulsive lier. I feel like I'm going to puke.

I've had enough. I'm taking the fight to OM's turf, I've already lost it at home. Calling OM's wife tomorrow.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Thu, 01-22-2009 - 12:12am
Just remember she will be as blindsided as you were when you first found out about the A. She may not believe you unless you have some texts or e-mails you can forward her as proof. Do they have kids also? Just be gentle with her as she will be just as devastated as you were when you first found out. And keep in mind that none of this is her fault when you speak to her. But then again she may already suspect something is going on depending on whether he has been acting differently at home. If he has been real good at hiding it and she has no idea then I feel real sorry for her. But then again if she is already suspicious and has been asking him questions she may be relieved to find out,, that she is not crazy or paranoid, which is probably what he has been telling her to ward off suspicion. So does your W know you plan on calling her?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2008
Thu, 01-22-2009 - 7:16am

I really dread the task of telling someone else that their spouse is a cheater. Its going to cause immense hurt. And yes, I'll be very gentle about it, I feel very bad for OM's wife and what she might be or will be going through.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2008
Thu, 01-22-2009 - 7:37am

Since you have all of his contact info why don't you email/txt/call HIM and tell him you are going to his wife.


You don't know what may happen and I don't believe it is our business to interfere in anyone else's marriage.

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