grrr. wife at it again

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2008
grrr. wife at it again
101
Sat, 01-17-2009 - 6:09pm

*Sorry if this is a double post, I tried posting earlier and I think I hit the wrong button*

DDay was 9/4/08

Things have gotten progressivley better since mid-October, up until recently at least.

I've been becoming suspicious over the last 2 weeks or so- 3 instances where my wife couldn't account for her time after being gone for a few hours shopping.

She's has gotten grouchy towards me and more aloof.

I've been checking her emails but haven't found anything suspicious.

This morning I found something on her computer, an google IM. She had called me at work yesterday about how to set up a yahoo or a gmail account, but I didn't htink anything of it at the time. We have a joint Gmail account that we both use, but her browser history was wiped and the IM window showed a difrerent gmail login name (herown) and a name of a man in her contact list (more about this later). I wasunableto open her gmail account, but as luck would have it, it opens from the IM window if you click an icon (found this out by accident).

I found two chat sessions last night- she was up late after I went to bed. They chatted about hiding her tracks from chatting and internet- my wife was worried because she described me as a 'computer wizard' (I'm really not). From the conversation, OM wanted her to install another IM so he could send her webcams, but she wasn't able to because of her lack of admin priviledges on her work computer. She installed it on my computer- a computer she hasn't use once int he last 6 years.

I tried to put a keylogger on her computer but failed for the same reasons that she couldn't install an IM. But I put a logger on my computer. I think now I'm going to sit back and see what kind of fish I catch- probably going to put together a package to mail to OM's wife (he's the same guy that was sending her explicit emails back in september and my wife was supposed to be 'no-contact' with). Having him worry about what his own wife is going to do will probably make him a little less interested in mine.

This whole ball of crap has taken its toll on me since September- I had a bad last quarter at work and lost my raise and bonus (I'm scrambling now just to keep my job). A guy who is only 36 shouldn't know a cardiologist, but I do because of my heart skipping (cardiologist says its caused by too much caffeine or too much stress(premature ventricular contractions)- I cut out the caffeine, but its still doing it. I also have weird eye problem (leaking retina) which the opthamologist says is usually linked to stress.
The stress caused illnesses alone have cost thousands of dollars- laser scan of my eyes, trip to the ER when my I first noticed my heart malfunctioning, and various doctor consultations including with a cardiologist.

I need vacation- from my wife.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2008
Thu, 01-22-2009 - 8:04am

I've wrestled with this issue for months.


He has interfered with my marriage.


I believe that evil cannot flourish in the light of day.


Does standing by and allowing another person be harmed sound like a good way to fight evil in this world?


Adultery lives and thrives in secrecy.


If I know that someone else's spouse is a cheater and I do nothing, does that make me an accomplice?


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2008
Thu, 01-22-2009 - 8:42am

It's a tough one for sure.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2008
Thu, 01-22-2009 - 8:51am
Thanks, that is some very wise advice, I'll consider it very carefully before I do anything.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 01-22-2009 - 8:52am

Having been the only ignorant person regarding my xH's As, the not being told by "close" friends was another sort of betrayal. This woman deserves to know the truth however she finds out. So, I support decision whole heartedly.

However, don't expect it to work wonders. Look at what you are going through and have gone through with your W and she is still lying to you. The other BS can control her WS about as much as you can. The change that needs to happen in your M can only come from within your M. Your W is fence sitting and she will continue to do so as long as you stick around and let her. It is time for her to face some hard consequences.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2008
Thu, 01-22-2009 - 8:57am

Does he have kids?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2009
Thu, 01-22-2009 - 9:03am

BrianM..I did what you are going to do. She was really hurt when she found but she has since told me that she "suspected" something.


My problem is the worst case scenario, seriously the only that has not happened is my W winding up pregnant.


Be gentle and kind. You might want to invite her someplace public and take your printout.


For all you know this could be his first A or he could have had more.


One thing that you should be aware is the blowback. You will get it from OM (I told him where to go...) and your Wife (mine asked me how "I" could do that to him and her) and from your W. What you need to decide is what are the next steps.


Right now I am in limbo as she is in Detox and I am not going to testify aginst if she gets charged. Now if I start D proceeding the DA could compel me to testify which opens another can of worms...


If you have ever played chess you know that yopu need to think 5-7 moves ahead. Map out a strategy of what could happen and what your response will be.


God's speed my friend.


Jack

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2008
Thu, 01-22-2009 - 9:09am
Brian
I think you should tell this woman
She is living in hell being played for a fool
none of us want to be there or should be in the dark any longer than is possible
Wouldn't you want someone to tell you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2008
Thu, 01-22-2009 - 9:31am

I wanted to do it today after work. Maybe I'll give it another day to think about it. I'm considering contacting OM instead as well and warning him away- not sure if telling him that transripts of what he and my wife were doing could find their way to his wife is considered blackmail or illegal.


This is geeting to feel like I'm about to throw a rock at a hornet's nest. :(


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2008
Thu, 01-22-2009 - 9:35am

OK, here's another possible scenario.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2008
Thu, 01-22-2009 - 9:43am
"

OK, here's another possible scenario.

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