grrr. wife at it again

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2008
grrr. wife at it again
101
Sat, 01-17-2009 - 6:09pm

*Sorry if this is a double post, I tried posting earlier and I think I hit the wrong button*

DDay was 9/4/08

Things have gotten progressivley better since mid-October, up until recently at least.

I've been becoming suspicious over the last 2 weeks or so- 3 instances where my wife couldn't account for her time after being gone for a few hours shopping.

She's has gotten grouchy towards me and more aloof.

I've been checking her emails but haven't found anything suspicious.

This morning I found something on her computer, an google IM. She had called me at work yesterday about how to set up a yahoo or a gmail account, but I didn't htink anything of it at the time. We have a joint Gmail account that we both use, but her browser history was wiped and the IM window showed a difrerent gmail login name (herown) and a name of a man in her contact list (more about this later). I wasunableto open her gmail account, but as luck would have it, it opens from the IM window if you click an icon (found this out by accident).

I found two chat sessions last night- she was up late after I went to bed. They chatted about hiding her tracks from chatting and internet- my wife was worried because she described me as a 'computer wizard' (I'm really not). From the conversation, OM wanted her to install another IM so he could send her webcams, but she wasn't able to because of her lack of admin priviledges on her work computer. She installed it on my computer- a computer she hasn't use once int he last 6 years.

I tried to put a keylogger on her computer but failed for the same reasons that she couldn't install an IM. But I put a logger on my computer. I think now I'm going to sit back and see what kind of fish I catch- probably going to put together a package to mail to OM's wife (he's the same guy that was sending her explicit emails back in september and my wife was supposed to be 'no-contact' with). Having him worry about what his own wife is going to do will probably make him a little less interested in mine.

This whole ball of crap has taken its toll on me since September- I had a bad last quarter at work and lost my raise and bonus (I'm scrambling now just to keep my job). A guy who is only 36 shouldn't know a cardiologist, but I do because of my heart skipping (cardiologist says its caused by too much caffeine or too much stress(premature ventricular contractions)- I cut out the caffeine, but its still doing it. I also have weird eye problem (leaking retina) which the opthamologist says is usually linked to stress.
The stress caused illnesses alone have cost thousands of dollars- laser scan of my eyes, trip to the ER when my I first noticed my heart malfunctioning, and various doctor consultations including with a cardiologist.

I need vacation- from my wife.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2008
Thu, 01-22-2009 - 6:34pm
They used to work for the same company, he now works for another.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2007
Thu, 01-22-2009 - 6:38pm

When my husband came under fire in Iraq, he said that their first reaction was to laugh.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2008
Thu, 01-22-2009 - 6:44pm

"When my husband came under fire in Iraq, he said that their first reaction was to laugh. A strange human reaction to shock."

I know that reaction firsthand.

"She clearly had no idea. How really, really sad. I could sob my heart out over these boards sometimes. I had no idea before this happened to me, that so many people are going through this nightmare."

All that I could say when she told me that she was pregnant and she was happily married was "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" I couldn't even speak after that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2008
Thu, 01-22-2009 - 6:45pm
He has not called you cause he is on the phone smoothing it over with his wife and on the phone with your W getting their stories straight. Be prepared for a lot of crying from your W--and she will be telling you what she thinks you want to hear. Be strong----Have your agenda and do not sway from it--you will have an opportunity to tell her what SHE needs to do to STAY with you. SPELL it out like she is in first grade. She will be thinking of what to say next instead of fully hearing you--REPEAT yourself often and use short sentences that start with--I will rebuild with you if YOU do this...this ... and this...----This is your chance to tell her what your new M will look like ---should you extend that option to her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2008
Thu, 01-22-2009 - 6:46pm

Would it be selfish of me to ask for a new Harley as part of the deal?

Sorry, I'm trying to cheer myself up a bit.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2008
Thu, 01-22-2009 - 6:52pm

Crap, I just thought of something. The guy lives a block from my kid's school, and he knows it. If the crap hits the fan in his house, I might have to worry about my wife's and my personal safety.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2008
Thu, 01-22-2009 - 9:10pm

The guy lives a block from my kid's school, and he knows it. If the crap hits the fan in his house, I might have to worry about my wife's and my personal safety.


That's something to consider, but try not to

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Fri, 01-23-2009 - 2:17am
Yes I agree. You are getting WAY ahead of yourself. I don't think he'd be stupid enough to do anything foolish. And with his wife being PG. I don't think he'd want to end up in jail either and risk losing his job. I think now that he knows the cat is out of the bag he may back off from this whole mess. I really can't believe his wife is in total denial over this. Maybe once she thinks about it she'll start to ask him more questions or get suspicious. I just could not see anyone having been called and given this info and laughing it off without wanting to verify the facts here. Something seems off about this whole thing. Maybe he's got her convinced that your some nut case or mistaking him for someone else.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2004
Fri, 01-23-2009 - 9:37am

There seems to be more benefit to a WS actually coming clean to his/her spouse voluntarily. Why not contact the OM and tell him you know everything and you're giving him until a date next week to tell his wife and stop this A. After which time you'll be contacting his wife to ensure she's aware for her own sake.


That way this person is actually in some control of how his W finds out, but will still be accountable. I think that's about as good as it can get for his W in this situation.


Solazzo

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2008
Fri, 01-23-2009 - 10:18am

I sent him an email afterwards with a snippet of the chat log and told him to call me and gave him my phone #.


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