grrr. wife at it again

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2008
grrr. wife at it again
Sat, 01-17-2009 - 6:09pm

*Sorry if this is a double post, I tried posting earlier and I think I hit the wrong button*

DDay was 9/4/08

Things have gotten progressivley better since mid-October, up until recently at least.

I've been becoming suspicious over the last 2 weeks or so- 3 instances where my wife couldn't account for her time after being gone for a few hours shopping.

She's has gotten grouchy towards me and more aloof.

I've been checking her emails but haven't found anything suspicious.

This morning I found something on her computer, an google IM. She had called me at work yesterday about how to set up a yahoo or a gmail account, but I didn't htink anything of it at the time. We have a joint Gmail account that we both use, but her browser history was wiped and the IM window showed a difrerent gmail login name (herown) and a name of a man in her contact list (more about this later). I wasunableto open her gmail account, but as luck would have it, it opens from the IM window if you click an icon (found this out by accident).

I found two chat sessions last night- she was up late after I went to bed. They chatted about hiding her tracks from chatting and internet- my wife was worried because she described me as a 'computer wizard' (I'm really not). From the conversation, OM wanted her to install another IM so he could send her webcams, but she wasn't able to because of her lack of admin priviledges on her work computer. She installed it on my computer- a computer she hasn't use once int he last 6 years.

I tried to put a keylogger on her computer but failed for the same reasons that she couldn't install an IM. But I put a logger on my computer. I think now I'm going to sit back and see what kind of fish I catch- probably going to put together a package to mail to OM's wife (he's the same guy that was sending her explicit emails back in september and my wife was supposed to be 'no-contact' with). Having him worry about what his own wife is going to do will probably make him a little less interested in mine.

This whole ball of crap has taken its toll on me since September- I had a bad last quarter at work and lost my raise and bonus (I'm scrambling now just to keep my job). A guy who is only 36 shouldn't know a cardiologist, but I do because of my heart skipping (cardiologist says its caused by too much caffeine or too much stress(premature ventricular contractions)- I cut out the caffeine, but its still doing it. I also have weird eye problem (leaking retina) which the opthamologist says is usually linked to stress.
The stress caused illnesses alone have cost thousands of dollars- laser scan of my eyes, trip to the ER when my I first noticed my heart malfunctioning, and various doctor consultations including with a cardiologist.

I need vacation- from my wife.


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2008
Fri, 01-23-2009 - 11:45am

He may never call you. He is a coward. Why would he willingly face you. He knows that you know he is the kind of man that could cheat on his W....his pregnant W. I hope your W realizes this about him. You are REAL to him now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2008
Fri, 01-23-2009 - 12:17pm

I think you did the right thing Brian. Don't let it bother you that she laughed it off.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2009
Fri, 01-23-2009 - 12:28pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Fri, 01-23-2009 - 12:50pm
That's to your advantage big time that they no longer work together. Now you just have to try to keep reasonable track of her free time. Verify where she is going. She owes you that to regain your trust.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Fri, 01-23-2009 - 1:10pm

I seriously doubt this man will be contacting you anytime soon. As is the way with most cheaters when caught they run.

That is what happened in my case. I went to my husband's office to "check" out the situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2008
Fri, 01-23-2009 - 2:38pm

I bet his wife is concerned about what you have told her. She would not have kept you on the phone as she did if she were not concerned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2008
Fri, 01-23-2009 - 2:56pm

"My wife's company announced that they are cutting about 1000 jobs- She might be a bit concerned of the consequences if her company cuts her loose and I cut her loose...."

Let the chips fall where they may.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2008
Fri, 01-23-2009 - 3:08pm

I'm doing fine. I had a 1/2 day of vacation that I needed to takethis week so I took it today. Met my wife for lunch, did some maintenance on one of the cars, now I'm just kicking back. Probably going to stop in and see my pastor before I pick up the kids.

My biggest worry right now is that my wife will start thinking things are ok again. Last night I told her that the first time around she was at -100 in my book and right now she's at -1,000,000. At -1,000,001 she's gone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Fri, 01-23-2009 - 3:42pm

It's done.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2007
Sat, 01-24-2009 - 12:27am

You my friend, need to think long and hard about your future. I Don't remember all of your history, but if you have kids, your trips to the doctor should be a major red flag, and if not, still, a major red flag.

My ex H and my Ex BF, had my whole neighborhood convinced that I was crazy!! After I left my ex h, they all told me about all the times that my ex H and my ex bf, (she lived across the street), would meet up when they thought that I wasn't looking.

It sucks, and every day I hate the fact that I am now divorced, but, I must say, that I made the right decision! As much as I hate it, I feel that I am free!! I miss my husband, but the man that I married, is not the same man that I divorced!

He blamed me for all of his indiscretions! And to this day, one year later, he still blames me, even though it was him that had the affair!! Now he even blames me for the kids losing their homework, even though they do it at his house before I get home from work!

My kids (or I should say my D 12 yrs) was and still is at times, very angry with me. She has told me many times that I did not try hard enough! That breaks my heart!! I don't want to make her dad the "bad guy" but it has gotten to the point that I have had to say that it was her dad that made me leave. But I still don't; it is her decision to make of what happened with our marriage, even though I know that she knows the truth.

I really think that she is testing me!! She is so smart, and she has seen so much in her young life; it has gotten to the point that now she comes to me and says, mom, you know that you are right; don't argue with him, just hang up!!! Now why should a 12 1/2 yrs. tell me that?

When you are with someone (me,with him 21 yrs. married 15 yrs.) it is hard to detach yourself, but when your 12 yr. old tells you what you should already know, that's not good!!

Please know that I am telling you all of this because, it is hard to let go of a long relationship!!

But we all are here for you!

Best of luck!