grrr. wife at it again

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2008
grrr. wife at it again
Sat, 01-17-2009 - 6:09pm

*Sorry if this is a double post, I tried posting earlier and I think I hit the wrong button*

DDay was 9/4/08

Things have gotten progressivley better since mid-October, up until recently at least.

I've been becoming suspicious over the last 2 weeks or so- 3 instances where my wife couldn't account for her time after being gone for a few hours shopping.

She's has gotten grouchy towards me and more aloof.

I've been checking her emails but haven't found anything suspicious.

This morning I found something on her computer, an google IM. She had called me at work yesterday about how to set up a yahoo or a gmail account, but I didn't htink anything of it at the time. We have a joint Gmail account that we both use, but her browser history was wiped and the IM window showed a difrerent gmail login name (herown) and a name of a man in her contact list (more about this later). I wasunableto open her gmail account, but as luck would have it, it opens from the IM window if you click an icon (found this out by accident).

I found two chat sessions last night- she was up late after I went to bed. They chatted about hiding her tracks from chatting and internet- my wife was worried because she described me as a 'computer wizard' (I'm really not). From the conversation, OM wanted her to install another IM so he could send her webcams, but she wasn't able to because of her lack of admin priviledges on her work computer. She installed it on my computer- a computer she hasn't use once int he last 6 years.

I tried to put a keylogger on her computer but failed for the same reasons that she couldn't install an IM. But I put a logger on my computer. I think now I'm going to sit back and see what kind of fish I catch- probably going to put together a package to mail to OM's wife (he's the same guy that was sending her explicit emails back in september and my wife was supposed to be 'no-contact' with). Having him worry about what his own wife is going to do will probably make him a little less interested in mine.

This whole ball of crap has taken its toll on me since September- I had a bad last quarter at work and lost my raise and bonus (I'm scrambling now just to keep my job). A guy who is only 36 shouldn't know a cardiologist, but I do because of my heart skipping (cardiologist says its caused by too much caffeine or too much stress(premature ventricular contractions)- I cut out the caffeine, but its still doing it. I also have weird eye problem (leaking retina) which the opthamologist says is usually linked to stress.
The stress caused illnesses alone have cost thousands of dollars- laser scan of my eyes, trip to the ER when my I first noticed my heart malfunctioning, and various doctor consultations including with a cardiologist.

I need vacation- from my wife.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2007
Tue, 01-27-2009 - 9:11pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2009
Tue, 01-27-2009 - 2:34pm

Heh, I had actually been to 3 sessions with an individual psychologist before I found out about my GF cheating on me. I went because I thought I had trust issues.

On the 4th session, right after I found out, the therapist and I agreed that my actual problem was not fully embracing my gut instinct!

I will always trust my gut from now on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2008
Tue, 01-27-2009 - 11:40am

"She said that I'm not making much progress in giving my wife her privacy and space.

She said I should get in for another session ASAP to deal with my issues."

That is just what you were going there for right, your wife took you because you have issues.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2004
Tue, 01-27-2009 - 10:09am
Good for you Brian!!! Many counselors have no real accreditation...I can't help but wonder what this one's is! Not surprisingly your wife also didn't like you coming to this Board...'cause it was opening your eyes to things like what a crappy counselor you'd been seeing. (sigh)




iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2008
Tue, 01-27-2009 - 8:09am

Not suprisingly, my wife liked that counsellor.

I guess if I were caught stealing from a friend and had no conscience about it, I would want a judge who told my friend to get over it and to stop counting their money.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Tue, 01-27-2009 - 8:01am

What a horrible counselor!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2009
Tue, 01-27-2009 - 7:00am

Wow...I can't imagine having a MC say that to me.

How are you doing? How is your blood pressure?

I got a nice little kick in the chops last night when the mail arrived...


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2008
Mon, 01-26-2009 - 9:44pm

That's shocking!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2008
Mon, 01-26-2009 - 7:20pm

LOL. I just had a little comic relief this evening.

The MC that we had been seeing (See my post about bad MC's in the other forum) called me tonight and asked how we were doing. I told her that we are doing just fine except for me being about a millimeter away from filing for divorce because my wife is now into doing video chat with the guy who she's not supposed to be talking to. The MC asked me how I found out, and I went through the story about the IMs on her computer and the text messaging.

She said that I'm not making much progress in giving my wife her privacy and space.

She said I should get in for another session ASAP to deal with my issues.

I told herthat I no longer have any issues because I called OM's wife and explained toher what her husband had been up to.

MC told me that I should have handled that more delicately and that my wife would eventually come around if we had more counselling so that I could get past my issues and problems.

I replied that my wife would get a divorce if she doesn't pull her head out of her butt really quick.

She asked me when I wanted to set up another counselling session. I told her that I really wasn't interested and was now

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2008
Mon, 01-26-2009 - 11:12am
I do not know you or the OW of course
I just have to tell you I am relived that you did tell her
The thought of someone thinking about telling me and choosing not too is torturous
I think you did what you had to do
Anything else would have taken a big toll on a person with integrity like yourself
God bless you