have proof...how to i confront him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
have proof...how to i confront him?
10
Sun, 05-08-2011 - 12:32pm
Hi all....quick background...me and BF used to date as teenagers, lost touch, found each other over a year ago. Problem was he was married. He kept telling me things were bad and he wanted to leave, we talked but never did anything physical. I told him I didn't want to be an affair. Then one day he left her and we started talking more then begin to date. During the last year of dating he has left 3 times, everytime 99% sure he went back to his DW. After the last time he swore he wanted to be with me and I asked him to file for divorce then. He did, and for about 2 months things had been good. Lately I have started getting that gut feeling again that something wasn't right. So today I did some snooping again....found they've been emailing again. Found where he asked her if she thought they could still make this work, she of course said yes. Found that he emails her every night to say sweet dreams. He told her not to do anything with "the stupid divorce papers" and he asked if he could come see her this week (she lives 2 hrs away). So I'm ready to just tell him to go see her and not to come back, but there's that part of me that wants to bust him out in a way that will leave him speechless. Make sense? Any thoughts on how I can confront him with all this?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Sun, 05-08-2011 - 12:55pm

Hi;

so sorry for what this guy is putting you through.

confront him? break up with him and tell him its over.. Until he gets divorced and stays alone for a year he wont be available to any woman ex or not.

He has unfinished business with his ex so let him GO and wish him well. Let him deal with his own issues.

Love yourself first and make yourself happy. If you two get together down the road okay but I wouldnt wait around for him...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sun, 05-08-2011 - 5:23pm
Does he know you have access to his e mail?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Sun, 05-08-2011 - 5:31pm
Not really, after one of the times before he left, when we got back together he wanted to be "completly honest" with me and gave me his passwords to email & facebook. Since then he's changed those, but when I got on his laptop and clicked on mail just to see if by chance he'd changed them again, it let me right into his email.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sun, 05-08-2011 - 11:08pm

So if he gives you access to his laptop then he must know you could easily find that stuff out right?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Mon, 05-09-2011 - 6:07am
Right, but I believe he was trying to hide it all. The only way I saw those were they were ones that were in his Draft folder. He had deleted all inbox, sent, outbox, deleted, trash....everything in every folder had been deleted except the draft folder...I think he just didnt think about messages being saved there. The last time they were talking like this was by phone/text messages and I found that out by accident, so since I confronted him about that there have been no more phone use,
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Tue, 05-10-2011 - 12:24am

He probably forgot to delete the draft folder, or maybe wanted to get back to his drafts and finish some of them up or whatever. Yeah I'd be suspicious about

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2000
Tue, 05-10-2011 - 2:37am
Confront him? He's not going to leave his wife, he's made that clear. Being together while he was still married is just a disaster waiting to happen, you and his wife are going to end up hurt, who cares what happens to him? He's NOT leaving her, let him know once he shows you the final divorce decree, give you a call and see if you're still available. But why would you WANT contact with him, anyway - he's doing you both wrong, that's lousy relationship material to begin with. Find some nice, available guy - there are so many of them out there. But...he is NOT leaving her.

 


~~joannaran~~

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Fri, 05-13-2011 - 12:49pm

Well I did end up confronting him and told him exactly how I found them and that I was snooping because he'd been acting strange....he of course told me they ment nothing, blah blah blah....not really sure where we stand at the moment but i do believe he will be gone soon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2008
Wed, 05-18-2011 - 10:21pm
I found a bunch of emails once to this girl my ex was cheating on me with and wanted to really stick it to him. So, I printed them out, made copies and one night, went to his work and taped them to the window of his car. I had talked to him througout the day and never let on that anything was wrong. The thing of it was...all the time I spent thinking of the "plan" and putting it into action was far more than he even spent thinking about any of it. I didn't make the hurt go away- and it didn't make me heal any faster....if anything I was more hurt that the whole things seemed to affect him (and her) very little at all. Just get out with your self respect and pride....which is more than he has. '
Be strong
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Thu, 05-19-2011 - 9:09am

Thank you....and I agree, at this point Im ready to get out, just can't figure out why its so hard to just say so, to just tell him to get out! Found out this morning from his mother that he's still on facebook (he had told me he deleted his account, and I deleted mine before so we could focus on un and not have any distractions) and that he's now friends with his wife on there.