having a hard time ....

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2011
having a hard time ....
6
Mon, 07-04-2011 - 1:05am

Having a really hard time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Mon, 07-04-2011 - 5:21am
I'm so sorry because I know the hurt you're going through. I lost my father that I was very close to 2 yrs. before my X's A and then lost my aunt that I was also close to within 2 months of finding out about his A. Honey, if he hasn't cut the OW out of his life yet, then his A is not over and you are setting yourself up for even more pain. He CAN cut her out of his life. As long as you put up with it, he'll keep on doing it. But don't beat yourself up for backtracking on the 180, just start it again. Its all about taking back the power and control of your life. It sounds like he's fence-sitting right now, trying to make up his mind. I could not and would not be somebody's backup plan. Divorce isn't easy. But it gets easier when you follow exactly what your attorney tells you to do. Make lists of everything and I mean EVERYTHING and don't labor under the notion that he will be fair if you choose that route; he won't. Protect yourself and your interests. IMO, you need to see your doctor and tell him/her what's going on. You may need an anxiety med to supplement the antidepressant to help you get through all this. I'd also call other counselors and see if you can get into another one sooner or have your doctor make a referral as they can usually get you appointments sooner. Also if you upped your antidepressant without consulting your doctor, you really need to talk with the doctor about it. Some higher doses of antidepressants can actually worsen depression and anxiety so you may need a different one altogether. You can and will live without him if you have to. You just have to make up your mind that you deserve better than an adulterer for a husband and know that you will find someone else if he doesn't end the A and do whatever it takes to rebuild your marriage and regain your trust. Believe me, I never thought it would happen to me. My youngest DD is disabled and totally dependent on me for all her care; I thought I'd always be alone because no one would want to take that on knowing she would always have to come first. But, I meant a wonderful man who loves and accepts both my DDs and loves me and treats me the way I should be treated. Take care of yourself, make the appt. with your doctor, get yourself well and know that whatever the outcome, you will survive and life just keeps getting better!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2011
Mon, 07-04-2011 - 4:33pm

THANK YOU FOR THE ADVICE!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-1999
Tue, 07-05-2011 - 10:28pm

Huckleberry,


Glad today is a better day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Wed, 07-06-2011 - 12:42am
I know it is hard and the situation seems hopeless now, You don't deserve this but you will move on and have a better life. Trust me on this. It's just that old habits are hard to break. I promise you things will get better. You WILL find a man you deserve who WILL love you AND be faithful.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Wed, 07-06-2011 - 1:19am

Of course you're wavering back and forth, you have a lot of years and likely a lot of love invested here.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Wed, 07-06-2011 - 12:01pm
I agree. Most men want to have their cake and eat it too. They just don't want to give up that extra attention and ego boost they get from having 2 women caring for them.