He cheated and said he was sorry......but..please need advice!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2011
He cheated and said he was sorry......but..please need advice!
10
Thu, 11-24-2011 - 6:47am

Need some advice desperately....Here's alittle background info as I am new to the board. I have been married to my husband since Oct 2005. We had a good relationship I thought up until my husband came across

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008

Why would you not be his TOP friend on there? You ARE his GF. Do you want to go thru life trying to figure out his FB password or passwords on his phone, e mail, and other accounts, Thing is even if you figure out his FB password, IF he wants to cheat he will use secret e mail accounts, put a code lock on his phone etc, to talk to other women, Believe me on this, cheaters will ALWAYS find a way if they want to cheat. They just get slicker at hiding it after the first time they get caught. With todays computer and cell phone technology there's ALWAYS a way to cheat

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
How could you be overreacting to him allowing other women into your marriage like this? You said he got caught lying repeatedly with the first woman and now he's telling some total stranger she's beautiful? What's wrong with this picture? Saying he's sorry is one thing, proving it is something else entirely. He needs a good marriage counselor to smack him in the head, he's not sorry if he's on to a second woman. A therapist would have a field day with him.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2011
Sit him down and tell him you want a divorce. He'll stop dramatically and if he doesnt than you'll know how he really feels
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009

Anyone can make a mistake........ONCE.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2011
Baby- he is sorry alright, sorry his ass got caught, that is. It seems like most men will continue with their affairs until they get caught, not before them. So what you have seen is this: gets caught with one, so what does he do? Moves on to another? He is addicted. He has an addiction to what he is doing. You can't control him or stop him. All you can do is control ourself and what you plan to do from this point forward.

He needs help. Help that you may not be able to give him. He first needs to want help then he has to put in the time and e hardworking to change it. He will do this over and over no matter who he is with. You now know that you are married to a man who is capable of deceit, dishonesty and disloyalty. You cannot trust him. Once trust is lost it has to be earned back. His flippant disregard for what he has done and his continued disrespect to go and do all that on FB is just awful. He doesnt care if you are heartbroken, because what he thinks he needs from these other women is more important than you.

So back to you, because you need to focus on yourself, do some soul searching and figure out what you are going to do. Only ou can decide to stay in your marriage or go. That is your decision completely. But I know you do not want to continue with things as they are. Tell him what you will require in order for your relationship to continue. Then you stick to it. All those words of his mean nothing. His actions have to speak for him. My laundry list for my husband was staggering and it was non negotiable. Either he complied or he left. Period. When I was in the lows, I questioned myself, but as each day that has gone by, I realize that I made the right decisions. This is my life and my marriage too and I'd rather be alone than to be made a fool again. When I was angry was when I planned and acted.

You go with your gut. YOU know right from wrong. Manipulators are masters at turning it around and somehow making you feel like YOUR thinking is flawed. Don't second guess your judgement. When you know it's wrong it is.

So so sorry for your discoveries.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Are you not his friend on there? If he friends you on facebook you should be able to see it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008

Hi sweet,

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2011
Only when he forgets and leaves his fb account open, ugh. Trying to figure out his password.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010

Yes, you are right to be upset. He said he was sorry, but here he is chasing after other women. It might be time to let him chase other woman, without a

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
No your not over reacting. Your H is looking for attention from other women, most likely to feed his ego and insecurities. Are you able to see his FB and everything he sends to women on there?