He Doesn't Know That I Know

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2011
He Doesn't Know That I Know
4
Mon, 09-12-2011 - 8:09am

I recently learned that my husband cheated on me with an escort

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2008
Mon, 09-12-2011 - 9:04am

going to see a divorce lawyer for a consultation would send him a very strong message that you will not tolerate this and also empower you with information 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2011
Mon, 09-12-2011 - 4:45pm

Let me first start out by saying, you are an incredible woman for keeping all this bottled up inside of you and not letting him have any idea that you know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2011
Mon, 09-12-2011 - 5:29pm
Dear tesoralp- so so sorry. I agree with the other posters in their advice. I didn't even think plan until after I confronted him. The plan gives you focus and purpose. It's gets you thinking about you, what you need and how to protect your children. In reading your post, one thing that really stood out to me was that you are going to "ask" him for things. I want to tell you this. You don't have to ask him for anything anymore. He is not your father or your boss. He just went from the driver seat to the trunk. You get to drive the car now and YOU get to decide where you will be going on this trip that he started. You my friend will be finishing it. It's probably going to feel like you will drive cross country, but it is still now about what you want. After you see the attorney, you may choose to confront him. If you want to want to try to get down to the bottom of whatever he has going on, offer counseling together. He may need to go alone as well. He may try to lie about what he has done. One of the things you will demand, yes I said demand, is continued dishonesty. You are well within your rights to ask any question that you have. His responses help you figure out what part of the plan will be enacted. You cannot stay in your marriage status quo. He has to change. He has to prove he is worthy, he has to be remorseful, guilty and willing to do anything and everything to keep his family together. You have to send the clear message that some things are not negotiable. It's your way or no way. Don't feel bad. You are being fair, honest and open. He is unable to say the same thing. You are also giving him choices which he did not give you. He has put your health at risk. He has to earn his way back to the marriage if he wants it. I learned of my husbands infidelity just shy of 4 months. It is really really hard. I still feel many of the emotions I did on that first day but they are more dull and easier to deal with. I will never forget what he did. I don't even know that I have forgiven him. It just takes time despite me wanting to fast forward to the end of my own story to see how it all turns out. My husband is doing everything possible to fix himself vor our marriage and our kids. Even with that it is hard. Early on he would still try to argue, find fault with me, blame me- I stood strong and I'd say things like- do you really want to go there right now? I don't have to listen to you talk to me or about me like that anymore. Because he knew that I was dead serious about divorce and I still am. I do not want that like you for my boys. I don't want their life irrevocably changed in that way, but I will not tolerate to stay in a marriage where I am not respected or loved for who I am. It all really falls to your husband and what he chooses to do. Little does he know that his life is about to change. You already have shown strength, poise and patience. Please keep us updAted on your journey. Too many of us going thru this , yet so many wise veterans here to help you. Take care.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2011
Mon, 09-12-2011 - 7:54pm
OOPS! when I said " continued dishonesty" what I meant was, you should demand honesty and you will not tolerate continued dishonesty. Sorry for the confusion!