He finally admitted to the rest of it

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2011
He finally admitted to the rest of it
5
Tue, 04-26-2011 - 11:47am

It's been two months since I found out that my husband cheated with our neighbor and this past weekend he admitted to a lot more than he initially told me. He first told me it only happened one time but that they had been texting ever since (for a year). I told him from the beginning that in order to rebuild the trust he needed to be totally honest with what went on, so I could move on. I've felt ever since that he wasn't telling me all of it because it just didn't add up. I asked him on several occasions to just own up to the fact that it was more than once but he swore it wasn't. He has been absolutely incredible since it all came out, being the man that I've always known he could be. He has tried so hard and has been fighting to keep our family together. Then this past weekend, on a camping trip, I broke down after a really bad day and the following morning asked him again what really happened. He admitted that it happened a few times not just the once.

I'm now faced with everything all over again. I love him so much and I think it could be really great if we could get through it, but I'm not sure I can. I feel so totally broken and it feels like I'm back at square one. It's so easy for him to lie to me so how do I trust ever again? I've never felt so lost and so small. There are so many conflicting emotions between what I think I should do and how I feel. Where do I go from here?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-1999
Wed, 04-27-2011 - 10:15pm

{{{{Hugs}}}}

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2011
Wed, 04-27-2011 - 3:06pm

Wow, that was an amazing response. I don't think it matters who we are or where we're from. we all basically go through a variation of the same thing when this happens. He is refusing to go to counseling with me today and he moved out last night so I'm not sure what happens now, but I'm going on my own to try and sort out some of my feelings. With him or without him I'm still a mom to the greatest kids in the world and I need to hold it togehter for them! The OW was two feet behind me half way to my kids school this morning and it took everything I had to keep it under control but I did, so from here on out I'm not going to allow her to have that power over me. She obviously doesn't have a conscience and I kind of feel sorry for her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Wed, 04-27-2011 - 2:03am

You're getting trickle truth, which drives us all nuts.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2011
Tue, 04-26-2011 - 3:37pm

we are in counselling but she seems to want to focus more on teaching us how to communicate rather than discuss what has happened. I realize that we need to learn how to do that as well but it's not helping my feelings about the affair. we're going again this week so I plan on talking about it. As far as the details go I believe I at least deserve to know how long it had been going on. Now I do

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Tue, 04-26-2011 - 1:52pm

Thinking about how many times "they got together" is only going to hurt you and make you obsess more. You need to shift your focus on how remorseful he is and what he is doing to heal the damage he has done now, and remember that people in affairs will always try to minimize the particulars of the affair in order to avoid angry confrontation from the other spouse and to avoid causing the spouse further hurt by revealing more details. Try to concentrate on what he is doing NOW