He is willing to shed tears for her????

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
He is willing to shed tears for her????
14
Tue, 03-23-2010 - 10:16am

I am in tears this morning....


My h texts me last nite to look on Facebook.. He wanted me to look at a post my x friend wrote....It is a post about how she lost a friend. He thinks the post is about her losing her friendship with me.. He had the nerve to text me that he was almost in tears over her post about losing a friendship? WTH????????


He and she texted behind my back everiy day up to a 100 times a day and now she is worried about my friendship? Now he is worried about my friendship with her?


He is in tears for her??? Ah hello what about me tha actuaul victim.. How about some tears for what you did to me? Does my H shed any tears over breaking my heart? No he is talking about shedding tears for the OW because I wont be her friend anymore. BOOHOO BOOHOO BOOHOO... How is she the victim?????


Will someone please help me and tell me where to go from here?

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2009
Tue, 03-23-2010 - 10:28am

Questions:

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Tue, 03-23-2010 - 10:39am

Hi nda3, I totally agree with mia. YOU should be your H's priority if he is truly rebuilding with you. I would insist on absolutely no contact with OW. That means no facebook friendship with OW or checking up on her status or posts. It is ridiculous on his part to think you would have an interest in this so called "friend" and her feelings. It sounds to me that he has not truly let go of his interest in OW. IMHO a red flag.

Definitely insist on counseling. Individual counseling really helped me too. It would be a deal breaker that he goes for me and actually it was with my own exh. Set your boundaries nda3 and stick to them.

hugs, Ollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2009
Tue, 03-23-2010 - 2:21pm
Why is he in contact with her on Facebook?? Why is HE on Facebook at all?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Tue, 03-23-2010 - 2:47pm

Very good questions.. Since last may when he joined Facebook and got a new blackberry my life has been ruined!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


He had inappropiate sexual texts from one woman "Mary" and hid them from me and never told her to stop. He did not demand she respect our marriage.. what he did was hide it from me.


Fastforward to January when I caught him texting his ex fiance every day several times. And also texting my friend from 20 to 100 times a day every day...


I would like to know what the hell happened to my husband... the man I knew and loved.


Instead of being happy I am living a nightmare....And last

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2009
Tue, 03-23-2010 - 3:11pm

"He did not demand she respect our marriage.. what he did was hide it from me."


Why should he demand that of her when he doesn't do that himself, HE is in the marriage, not her.


Why have you not told him what it will take to keep YOU in the marriage?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Tue, 03-23-2010 - 4:06pm
I don't think that his tears were for her but because he helped break up the "friendship" between you and her. Please don't ever let this woman back into your life because she is toxic and remove her from your friends list and tell your H that he should not be looking at her facebook account. Affairs are addictive and hard to end. The only way for him not to fall prey to this OW again is if he gets her out of your lives completely.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Tue, 03-23-2010 - 4:12pm
It is infuriating and breaks your heart when they do the boo hoo thing over the OW.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Tue, 03-23-2010 - 4:37pm

Hi Thank everyone!!!


As far as i know the contact has ended with the exception of facebook... I no longer see any texts or phone calls between them for the last month.. But of course he could be instant messaging her on his phone and I would have no clue because there is no record of that on phone bill..Only if he messes up and forgets to erase...But i feel ok with that because if he is instant messaging eventually he will mess up and I will findout, the truth always come out......


At this point I think that the only way he wil get the message is if I do leave him... I am hoping I am wrong, but I dont think I am... It may take me walking out to get the message to him loud and clear that this will not be tolerated...


He did say that he was sorry about the state of my friendship with her.. And I said good and I told him it was his fault point blank..I told him that if she and him were worried about my friendship with her that they should have thought about it before they carried on an inappropiate relationship....


He encouraged me to contact her..And I

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Tue, 03-23-2010 - 10:40pm
I'm not sure myself exactly what we accomplish by contacting the OW.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2009
Wed, 03-24-2010 - 6:03am
chance are you know exactly what to do to calm your heart, you just don't want to cause it will hurt... we all have the answers we're looking for, we just want to be talked out of it, or ignore it so we can do what we want.

Pages