He won't end affair; I'm waiting for it to fizzle out

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
He won't end affair; I'm waiting for it to fizzle out
Wed, 08-08-2012 - 11:49pm

Known my husband [45 yrs old] for 25 years, was very loving first 10 years. Have 2 kids, aged 9 & 7. For past 7-8 years, went through business failure & financial difficulties, he stopped kissing & hugging me.  Never initiated sex.  It was always me who had to make an 'appointment' with him; no foreplay nothing, I had to give him a blow job, then straight on to it & done in less than 10 mins.  I felt cheap; so I stopped asking for it.  Last year, no sex until once in end Dec.  It was so unpleasurable that we didn't reach orgasm & didn't look forward to the next session.

He is a self-centred person, has a history of infidelity - once while studying abroad & one night stands before we had kids. He did love me very much, then.  Ours was true love. He is a smoker, drinker & goes to pub regularly. He started his affair in Dec 2011 with this pub manager cum owner [rich woman 40 yrs old whose husband passed away]. Moved in with her April 2012 after I chased him out twice. He looked guilty in my first few confrontations. He only comes home weekend to spend time with my 2 kids. Now I don't argue anymore, so that we have peace. We are obviously separated. He admitted to have made a mistake, its short term relationship.  Refuse to divorce, still wants the family. But no intention to end affair. Goes for holiday, buys her branded gifts, put her as priority above our children. Willingly spends on credit card; he is incapable of this lifestyle of keeping a mistress but he wouldn't stop.

I went trough the symptoms of depression, couldn't sleep or eat, accelerated heartbeat & difficulty in breathing when I entered his empty room [been sleeping with kids for year]. Now 3 1/2 months since Discovery Day, I still long for him.  I still love him very much, hoping for affair to burn out but his actions towards her hurt me deeply.  I neglected my children's studies, they did badly in exam recently. When he is with us during weekend, I can see he still cares about the children & a bit for me, out of guilt, I guess. I helped him financially & sacrificed extensively until my savings dry up prior to this affair. The kids still love him.  I can't bear to see them without fatherly love.

What should I do?  I want to wait out the situation; but my marriage will not amount to much from what I read & actions I see in him. I weighed the pros & cons of divorce.  Its better for me & kids not to divorce now.  Any one in the same situation before?  What is outlook of my future?  Thanks.