He won't talk

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2003
He won't talk
3
Fri, 01-29-2010 - 11:13pm

Coming out of lurkdom...posted a couple weeks ago about finding out about my husband's affair ("it was just a kiss" he says...you don't tell someone you love them after just a kiss...)

I have not made any decisions yet...and am trying to talk to him (via text/email because we can't talk about our issues without fighting lately-that's the only way to truly hear what each other has to say about it). The problem is he won't "talk"...won't answer my questions, won't tell me who (although I am 99% certain who), won't tell me what he wants...but seems to have already told everyone else that he is moving out an we are separating (even led his parents to believe that I had kicked him out-NOT TRUE!)

I don't know what to do. I feel so alone (even though I have the support of my friends)...I don't understand what possesses a man to do this to the woman who has given him 17 years of her life (I know what he says is the reason-he felt neglected and pushed away, as if I should be overly loving and affectionate to a man who has repeated emotional affairs, caught having sex chats, and now cheats on me...)

I think he wants me to make the decision...and I don't know what to do...

Feeling Very Sad,
Lorri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2008
In reply to: 2csmom
Sat, 01-30-2010 - 12:01am

I'm so sorry, Lorri!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2003
In reply to: 2csmom
Sat, 01-30-2010 - 12:10am

Therapy-yes for several years. He has just recently started seeing a psychiatrist at our counselors urging. Don't think it will do any good though because he didn't tell him the whole truth at the first appt. Only told him he felt depressed...H doesn't see how having an affair is part of the big picture.

He is most certainly trying to blame-shift...always has.In the past I have taken it and really looked at myself to see what I was doing wrong. This time I know that it's not my fault. No matter how "neglected" he felt there were other options to cheating.

I need to know where my future is heading, and I know I need to take control...I know he is not going to change but I am so afraid of being alone...afraid of failing at my marriage (even though it already has), afraid of failing my kids..afraid of being alone...

I hate what he has done to us.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: 2csmom
Sat, 01-30-2010 - 8:11am
Oh but he is talking - loud and clear.