Healing Help

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2007
Healing Help
3
Wed, 04-18-2012 - 10:37pm

Hi, All,

Well, I never suspected I would be posting on this board, but I guess I have joined the group of people who are coping with life after an affair. My husband revealed to me three weeks ago that he had an affair with a woman for less that six months. I was devastated. I never saw it coming.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2012
Thu, 04-19-2012 - 8:24pm
I am reading "Not Just Friends". The author suggests that you don't contact the affair partner unless the your husband knows. It could add fuel for her to contact your husband. In my situation, my counselor asked me if I wanted to contact the other woman and if I thought it would help me understand. I told her no because I can't control what she does. It hurts more that my husband was contacting her. I have secretly wanted to contact the other woman's husband because he doesn't know but that wouldn't help the situation either. I understand your lost feelings. Hope things get better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2003
Fri, 04-20-2012 - 12:15pm

My DDay was just over a year ago.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2007
Sat, 04-21-2012 - 11:06am
Hi Au_fan,

Thank you for your lengthy reply. Your situation sounds very similar to mine. I have written a letter to the OW, but I have not sent it. I wrote it a couple days after I found out, but I haven't sent it because I do not want to come off as the raving lunatic wife. I wish the tapes of what I know about them would stop playing in my head. I try to not dwell on what has happened but it's so hard. I pray and pray for healing. I want to go to marriage counseling but my husband is against it. I haven't given up hope that I can change his mind about it. I know he wants to help me heal and if counseling is the only way then so be it. I hope we can overcome this. Right now, if I had to say whether I will contact her or not, I think I will, but like u said, if she replies, I will block her. Her words will probably only cause me more pain.