Heart broken again... Time to get tough... Prayers needed!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2011
Heart broken again... Time to get tough... Prayers needed!
Thu, 04-19-2012 - 12:10am
Well I poured my heart out with love and concern about the issues I've been faced with. He's defensive and doesn't get it. I was told that he is still on the steroids, when once again I thought he stopped. I really thought me leaving, him seeking counseling was him actually trying and recognizing his faults. I feel as if I just received the biggest slap in the face, yet again tonight. He SAYS he doesn't want me to leave, but his ACTIONS contradict his WORDS. I know I deserve more. Praying to God for the strength to get me through this... It's clear what exactly I need to do. Apparently the steroids are more important than our marriage and I realize I can't change it. Plan B is in affect. I have a great job opportunity tomorrow- interviewing with a well respected medical practice at 2pm tomorrow. I pray I get the job and set my back up plan in motion. I'm devastated, but I'll be okay. I am putting my faith in God- it's his will, not mine. I can't do this anymore. I have to count to, ya know. My H just
made it painfully clear that I do not. I can't believe
this. I prayed to God for a sign, and ladies- I just
received it. I can't live this life, I want and deserve so
much more. When he said that to me, a sudden calm
came over me. No more anger... Arguing with a fool
only proves there are two... And I refuse to
participate. So he can have his lies his denial, and I can have my sanity. Detaching my emotions, getting my ducks in a row, getting out of this one sided "marriage". I may not count to him, but I sure as hell do to myself. I officially give up. I've tried the best way I know how, but he is not my problem to fix... I am. So unbelievably ashamed and embarrassed, but I have faith that Between god, my kids, my friends, and family- that I will one day shine again. Time heals all things.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Well they say "you'll know when you had enough and just can't take anymore" It sounds like you have now reached that point. in your marriage. I really hope hope that great job opportunity works out for you cause I can see you really feel stuck and want out.. I know what a terible feeling that is. Keep us informed and GOOD LUCK.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-1999
GOOD LUCK with your interview and I am really glad you found some peace. Best wishes for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2011
Well said, good luck tomorrow sending my prayers. K