Help I am going crazy!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2010
Help I am going crazy!!!!
8
Sun, 07-25-2010 - 9:53pm

I have been looking at posts for a few weeks and I am just so hurt, mad, you name I feel it. I found out my H of 2o yrs was friends with a girl he works with. They work midnights and I guess they spent alot of time talking. Anyway that is what he insisted she was a "friend" well he moved out for 6 wks and started trying to have a realtionship with this women. They went out, they kissed, he sent her flowers twice but yet she was just a friend and I needed to understand that. I sent her a FB message and asked for the truth got the same line as he gave me which I expected. He swears they never slept together. I started to move on and put on my happy face and was really happy after the first couple weeks of crying nonstop. My kids all grown except on 16 yr old at home. They were all like mom I haven't seen you this happy ever. I was too. Then he started calling just to say hi...well he was still talking to

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 10:22am

I got one of those.." doesnt want to talk about it, doesnt want to pay the rest of his life"..Yada yada....


Hmmmmmm...I never asked for any of this and neither did you or any of us...


I feel that considering how much my H hurt me the least he could do is talk about it or let me let off some steam..But heck I am not even allowed to be "angry" cause he cant go trhough this anymore. Huh????????


I am lost too........He did this to us, he did but and I am the one suffering...


sorry you are hurting cause it really feels bad I know...


Wish you the best


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2007
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 10:34am

You wont just forget about it. I dont know how they do it. I guess they just do.


You said something about your kids saying they never saw you so happy.


I am curious- was it when you were not together or when he came back? How do you feel about your M and are you in counselling?


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2010
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 6:53pm

We were in counseling. She told us after 4 sessions that she could see how much we stilled loved each other and she seen no problems we didn't have the tools for and we could come back when we felt we needed to. So I feel that was his ticket out.


My kids said I was happy when he was gone and wanted me to tell him no and not take him back. They were very hurt by what he did. He was so suprised they were mad at him...because they are older he thought they would not be effected. He says he didn't realize how many people his bad choices would effect.


I bet if the shoe was on the other foot he would not have been as understanding as I have been!


They only think of themselves and are in the moment of this women is paying so much attention to me. Well excuse me I can't help it I also have a fulltime job and still have to come home and cook clean and make time for everyone and try to keep myself sane! UGH these men and there egos. And shame on these women who get involved with a man they know is married aren't there enough single men out there for ya! I would love to slap both of them up side the head :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2007
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 8:38pm

It does sound like he regrets what he did. And yes, they think you just go on and forgive and forget. Thats what they want. But it destroys and you have to rebuild.


I hope things work out for you as I think he is probably doing his best. No, he didnt think it would affect everyone. He didnt think about that at all. My kids are older now too and they support me in everything I do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2010
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 9:03pm

Sandy I to feel like I am trying to make myself still love him. I mean I love him but I don't know if I am in love with him. I feel we grew apart with our busy life and he got from her what i couldn't give him. I tried reaching out and was knocked down at every attempt, it was like he was pushing me away for her and justifying his involvement with her by thinking well she don't have time for me anymore.


I don't want to wake up some day and wish i would have ended it because I don't want to live a lie and somedays I just feel it is. He hurt me and he knows it but he has no idea how deep that pain goes and I feel I have to keep all this in to keep the peice. I sit and think about packing all his stuff up and saying sorry I can't do this but then I think about being a family and I want so bad to be happy and have our grandkids over and all the good stuff and I think I can do it. But do I want to sacriface my own happiness for a dream that may not ever be real.


I am just so confused :( 20 yrs is along time to just throw away but I don't know if I can ever truely feel true love with him again becasue he lied for a year and a half to me about this women. I feel like a fool!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2007
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 9:17pm

A year and 1/2- thats a while. That would be hard for me too.


I feel the same as you in regards to wanting the grandkids over and all- but recently I started thinking- they could come over to my new place. But I am scared- I do love my H- and I never try to catch him in lies anymore- (maybe because I dont care or I decided to not put myself in that situation again)


I am not inlove with him- and I told him that. He was very hurt and broke down. I said- "I tried to tell you for years" My H wasnt abusive and it was totally out of his character to be like this. I was floored. I felt like I was going crazy as I looked thru his work truck, his personal truck, note pads, wallet, phone, pager- you name it...


I have tried to get that feeling back- and I feel sad sometimes thinking he deserves a chance. My family deserves better. What about me? So I get to hide behind the smile. The things he did made me feel very lonely- and I will not ever forget how I tried to spend time with him and

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2010
Sat, 07-31-2010 - 9:22am

No we are not in MC anymore. Boy we sure have similar feelings. It is comforting to know I am not the only one who feels this way but I also feel bad that someone does. I just hope to overcome this and be happy. I am just so mad at him for doing this to us! I feel my life will never be the same again.


I so want him to feel the pain I do. It is just always with me and I just can't leave it behind. The 2 women he was involved with were such losers! The women he was having the EA with from work was discribed to me as one of those that everone has had a ride on. Makes me sick and he swears he didn't sleep with her. Well I just don't buy it. The women he dated for 2 wks after the EA women didn't want him

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2007
Sat, 07-31-2010 - 9:44pm

I remember feeling the same as you.