help! i found another lie!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2009
help! i found another lie!
5
Fri, 02-13-2009 - 9:10am

AAAARRRGGGGHHHH! Do the lies ever stop!?! When will I FINALLY know the true story?! For those of you who have read my story, I won't bore you, but basically, I found out about OW #2 almost 3 months into "rebuilding" and was then told that the lies were now completely done---100% honesty from this point forward. What a load of crap!! I have been desperately trying to find pictures of these women just to ease my mind that every woman matching their general description wasn't them and they weren't laughing at me as soon as I left the store,etc. SUCCESS! After months of searching, I finally found both of their myspace pages (private profiles of course) and though I could barely make out the pictures, at least I now have a general idea of what they look like.


The bad news? In doing so, I also found out that my H had still been lying about OW#1's age---she was 19 the first time they were together!!!! (He is 31) Although the age grosses me out (how much could they really have in common?) it's not the worst thing I've had to hear, but the fact that he intentionally lied (told me she was 28) about it and then continued to hide it from me is devastating!!! Now, I don't know if I can believe that there is nothing more he's hiding.


I aked him to move out (we only have 1 car so his parents who live 3 hrs away will pick him up Sat--Happy Valentine's Day!) so I can pack up and leave--he can figure out his own way to get to work!! I don't want to leave!!! I want to fix this, but I can't live always waiting for the next shoe to drop. He swears I now know absolutely everything, but I am not sure.


??? How do you know when your H has FINALLY told you the truth and is hiding nothing more?


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Fri, 02-13-2009 - 10:00am

I wish I knew the answer myself to how you know the whole truth is finally out.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 02-13-2009 - 10:03am

I am sorry you found this other lie. But, the good thing is that you are following through with consequences, which is hard to do because you can't know right now if he is telling the truth. A little break right now is probably good because he will hopefully realize that he needs to come completely clean even about those little lies he tells himself he is keeping from you to "protect you from more hurt" when really he is just protecting himself from consequences.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Fri, 02-13-2009 - 10:12am

Hurt,


I am so sorry that he could not be fully honest with you the first time. Trickle truth unfortunately

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2009
Fri, 02-13-2009 - 12:38pm

Five diamond--


I, too, have already learned the "how to spot a liar" tricks. I called him on it once and he still wouldn't admit anything. Problem is, he is a very good salesman by trade--he already knew the signs himself and after years of practice has pretty much mastered disguising them--eye movement, facial expressions, had gestures, etc--it was part of his 'training'. If i leave, the only place i can go is 1000 miles away--not much shot at rebuilding with that kind of distance to overcome.


Update: about an hour ago he admitted another lie. For weeks i have been obsessing over pictures of the OWs (like I said) well, he found her myspace page almost 2 weeks ago but didn't tell me b/c it listed her age. So once again he let me obssess and worry about things I could have already known.


I feel like I'm going insane!!!


Cindy

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Fri, 02-13-2009 - 1:11pm

Take a deep breath.