here we go again

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2008
here we go again
6
Fri, 04-10-2009 - 9:20pm

i can't type .. so this will beshort and sweet.... have spent 12 years with husband.. almost 10 married.. 3 children ourselves.. 3 brought in from marriage.


over years.. have figured out affairs.. nothing concrete.. just my suspicions... a year ago , he admits to one...


3 weeks ago, I discover an online facebook affair.. through this find out about another affair ( he

Avatar for pater_familia
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Sat, 04-11-2009 - 10:59am

I saw the movie fireproof also and have had a glance at the book. You might want to consider this one also:

http://www.amazon.com/Getting-Past-Affair-Program-Together/dp/157230801X/ref=pd_bxgy_b_img_a

This one was a big deal for us. Just my 2 cents.

Thomas

5 kids ages 15-9, D Day: August 5, 2008

Status: Rebuilding

Thomas

We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2009
Wed, 04-15-2009 - 1:10am
you dont have anything to lose. you've already been hurt. you might gain a strong marriage.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2009
Wed, 04-15-2009 - 12:11pm

Sorry to hear you're having to deal with multiple betrayals.


I think it sounds like both of you are committed to rebuilding. Thankfully your H admitted to the previous A and he is offering you information about this most recent A. That seems like a big step. He didn't have to print those conversations for you- it would have been easy for him to say he deleted them. But he did the right thing and showed you what you needed to see.


We can all understand that you'd be a little uneasy and hold a little back after the first A. Make sure he knows that it hurt you (and that the most recent one hurt you) and that those feelings will not just go away. Make sure he knows that just because you're still feeling things about either A doesn't give him permission to go looking for another one.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 04-15-2009 - 12:35pm

Until HE looks in the mirror and wonders what HE is doing wrong, I frankly don't hold out much hope. He has been able to have affairs and somehow feels it is because of you and what is lacking in you - but it is just the opposite.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2009
Wed, 04-15-2009 - 2:04pm
Great advice, Lily! I also think I would have saved myself a lot of heartache had I been firmer about my demands for therapy and complete transparency. Relapse affairs are so common. I wish I had known that. I didn't do the keylogger b/c he was doing everything from his blackberry and I had no way of getting a look at it. In hindsight ,I would have insisted on his password and having complete access to it. I was too afraid of causing any more trouble! But not anymore!! They back down when you get tough w/them.
Avatar for pater_familia
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Wed, 04-15-2009 - 3:11pm

"I was too afraid of causing any more trouble! "

Yeah, we are soo courteous to these people we love who hurt us so badly. I'm finding the best way to help them is to demand the light of day on everything they do. DW totally expects me to call and follow up with her friends when she goes out with them. I called her sister and asked her if she was with her the whole evening. We go over the phone record together.

It's the price of betrayal.

Thomas

5 kids ages 15-9, D Day: August 5, 2008

Status: Sorting Things Out.

Thomas

We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.