Hope it's okay that I post here

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Hope it's okay that I post here
1
Fri, 05-01-2009 - 10:00pm


Hello,

I hope you'll still hear me out even thought my DB and I are not yet married. I feel like we are and we've been together longer than some marriages. Any case, we've been together for four years. I fell in love with him the night we met and the next day he said he didn't believe in love at first sight but it was "real good" at first sight. From there our relationship grew and everything was fine until one day I stumbled upon an email from a woman with "I love you" in the subject line. I was stunned. I just could not believe he was cheating. I asked him about the email and he said it was just a friend that had a thing for him. Since her whole name was on the email I looked her up and gave her a call. We talked and it turns out he was seeing her for 6 months. I was livid. I packed up all of his things and piled them into his car and changed the locks by the time he got home from work. He begged and pleaded to come home. He told me he didn't love her and that he would end everything right away. That was two years ago. During that time, I somehow got over his indiscretion and we planned to get married and have a baby soon. He lost his job in the fall and moved 2.5 hours away to where his sister lives. He says the cost of living is cheaper and job opportunities are better. I didn't mind so much because he was still always here with me. Everything was going fine until he decided to pursue a career in the music business. All of a sudden he's out the entire weekend, coming home only to sleep. He would leave Friday morning and come in 1:00 or two in the morning. Leave Saturday about noon and come back after midnight. Every weekend. I was becoming suspicious but I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. One night his cell phone was ringing and I saw the name of a woman. He of course said it was a friend. I didn't even get into it because I just didn't believe it. Last weekend he tells me he's going to head home for the weekend and come back during the week. That made absolutely no sense to me. Why would you leave for the weekend and come back during the week when I'm working? Anyway he changes his mind and tells me he's going to take the bus back on Saturday. We went on to have a nice evening. We had dinner and some drinks and I had a movie for us to watch. Next thing I know he's on the phone and he goes in the bedroom. I can tell he's talking to a woman. I immediately get angry, but I take it out by cleaning the dishes. He then tells me he's going to the club to listen to the music he and his friends made and that he was going to catch the bus right after that. He totally disregarded the fact that he told me he was leaving in the morning. He waits and waits for his "friends" to come. I finally go to bed. He wakes me up at 3:00 am to lock the door. He packs up EVERYTHING he had in my apartment and hops in someone's car. I couldn't see who it was. He said something about the person making him miss the 2:30 a.m. bus. But I checked the bus schedule and the next bus didn't leave until 8:00 a.m. I caught him in a lie. I sent him a text message telling him that I hope she's worth losing me. He didn't bother to call or respond until Monday. I've erased all of his messages without listening to them and deleted his text messages without reading them. He caleld and called a couple of days and I didn't answer. As far as I'm concerned he left me to be with another woman and I should let him stay gone. Of course that little voice in my head is questioning if I'm doing the right thing or not. Maybe he has a valid excuse for leaving in the middle of the night and not coming back, but I can't think of one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Fri, 05-01-2009 - 11:17pm

Hi Simplyme,