How did you find out?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
How did you find out?
114
Thu, 10-09-2008 - 1:53pm

On July 14th of this year my spouse asked me if I would go on a walk with her, on this walk she expressed the possibility that I move out and she wanted to explore separating with me for about an hour. As we discussed her reasons that night, she admitted to flirting with a few guys at school and that they made her feel better about herself than I did. Over the next few days I went through the phone records and was not able to find any those guys. But I did find that she was having frequent and long conversations with her High School boyfriend who lived about two hours away in the town she grew up in. Over the next week or so we discussed what it would take for us to stay together. I was making major lifestyle changes and she responded positively to these efforts. On August 5th I inquired about some odd short phone calls to the OM that she made early in the morning on the last morning they contacted each other. I got silence. I asked if she had kissed him, I got silence, then an admission. She said that on July 12th that she rode on the back of a Harley with him while I was with my son's scout troop. She said she kissed him that day. I asked if it went further. It took a moment but she admitted to sleeping with him several times in May and June.

Boom! That was my D-Day!

I’m curious how some of you folks found out about your spouses A.




Edited 11/25/2008 2:55 pm ET by pater_familia

Thomas

We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2004
Fri, 10-31-2008 - 4:04pm
After being in Italy for 4 months waiting for more than 10 hours
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2008
Mon, 11-24-2008 - 6:06pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2008
Mon, 11-24-2008 - 9:17pm

Okay, this is probably not the most PC response to have but....

That just rules. Damn girl! You are a rock star with how you handled that.

Avatar for pater_familia
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Mon, 11-24-2008 - 9:21pm

Wow,

Two ... maybe three things.

You seriously have not gone back to him? The timeline if sensitive to me. My DW was cheating on me in June also.

I'm soooo sorry. My heart goes out to you.

pater

5 kids ages 15-9, D Day: August 5, 2008

Status: Rebuilding

Thomas

We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2007
Mon, 11-24-2008 - 11:36pm
Gawd......I can just feel what that must have been like. I know at the time was very painful, but DANG I wish I could have done something like that! That's D*mn right!!!! You GO GIRL!!!!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-1998
Tue, 11-25-2008 - 9:20am

February 9, 2007

I happened to be home from work caring for my sick daughter. I got a phone call in the middle of the morning. It was OW's H. He told me he was sorry for having to call me and tell me this, but my H and his W had been calling each other daily for over a year. I remember my stomach dropping (am I really getting one of these phone calls?) and asked him a few questions about who is wife was and thanked him and hung up. I called H who told me he got a call too. He said the guys is nuts and he calls the wife because she is his scheduler and he calls her inbetween offices to find out what is going on etc. He WAS concerned as the guy was threatening him and causing quite a stir. Through the afternoon he admits to being fond of her and we talk about how he would keep the relationship professional and stop calling her so much and would not have lunch with her (the plot thickens) That date was a Friday. On Monday, H calls me to say the OW's H was going to call me again and I wasn't going to want to be his (H's) friend any more. The OW H had found a few calls at 2 and 4 am and on weekends, so the professional gig was up. So was the world as I knew it.

It was so surreal to have your reality turned up side down like that. I thought we had a perfect life. ANd now I am hearing he had been traveling and sleeping with this woman for almost a year. OMG! I often wonder how it would have played out had my daughter not been sick that day and I had been at work?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2007
Tue, 11-25-2008 - 10:27am

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 11-25-2008 - 11:35am

Ok, sorry in advance cause this may be a little long.


The breakdown started on March 24, 2007.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2008
Tue, 11-25-2008 - 4:23pm

In June 2008 one night at 2 a.m. I heard my DH's cell phone buzz indicating that he had received a text msg. This was the night before we were supposed to be packed out to leave that country. I got up and the msg. said "you have a good night 2."

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2008
Tue, 11-25-2008 - 6:15pm

Ironically, I had told H while we were dating that there was only one thing that was non-negotiable: cheating. Everything else (except abuse) can be worked through.


He chose the one thing he knew would destroy us. Fancy that.

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