How did you find out?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
How did you find out?
114
Thu, 10-09-2008 - 1:53pm

On July 14th of this year my spouse asked me if I would go on a walk with her, on this walk she expressed the possibility that I move out and she wanted to explore separating with me for about an hour. As we discussed her reasons that night, she admitted to flirting with a few guys at school and that they made her feel better about herself than I did. Over the next few days I went through the phone records and was not able to find any those guys. But I did find that she was having frequent and long conversations with her High School boyfriend who lived about two hours away in the town she grew up in. Over the next week or so we discussed what it would take for us to stay together. I was making major lifestyle changes and she responded positively to these efforts. On August 5th I inquired about some odd short phone calls to the OM that she made early in the morning on the last morning they contacted each other. I got silence. I asked if she had kissed him, I got silence, then an admission. She said that on July 12th that she rode on the back of a Harley with him while I was with my son's scout troop. She said she kissed him that day. I asked if it went further. It took a moment but she admitted to sleeping with him several times in May and June.

Boom! That was my D-Day!

I’m curious how some of you folks found out about your spouses A.




Edited 11/25/2008 2:55 pm ET by pater_familia

Thomas

We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2009
Fri, 07-31-2009 - 2:34pm

For me it was December 19, 2008. I didn't even have a clue until about 5pm when I had opened my husband's cell phone bill, it was doubled exactly. I thought it was

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2009
Fri, 08-07-2009 - 7:28pm
My husband is a cop also and it wa the same way I found out. The ole cell phone record. I too found many phone calls etc.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2009
Sat, 08-08-2009 - 3:01am

Wow reading through this doesn't give me a lot of hope. Cheating sucks!
I found out through a phone call from my (now ex)bff's xbf. They have a kid together and have always been on and off. I guess he'd asked her to get back together and she told him no because she was in love with my H and they were going to be together. So to get back at her he called me and told me.
In retrospect I should have seen it coming. She is kind of slutty and gets along well with my H (something I thought was a good thing) but I just trusted him so well, felt I couldn't not if we were going to be together, that I refused to be suspicious.
I had found her sweater in my bedroom after I'd been away for a night, but since she's a ditz and always leaves her stuff around my house and my two toddlers are always dragging stuff around, it wansn't that strange - but it was the first time I really wondered. And it turns out that was the first time they hooked up. Stupid me.

When I confronted H he gradually admitted it, but said he doesn't love her and wants us to be together still. That was 11 days ago. Now I don't know what to think because he doesn't seem to be making much of an effort. I'm afraid I surprised a confession out of him and that he actually wants to leave me, he just doesn't want it to be his fault. He says he does want to be here, but it just lacks conviction. Now he won't tell me he is leaving, but he won't reassure me that he's staying - at least not like he means it. So I'm on pins and needles waiting for him to decide - I don't want him to leave, and I don't want to give him the easy out, but I don't know if I can stand this for any length of time. I say are you leaving me, and he says lets just cuddle and we can talk about it tomorrow. Like I can just relax and snuggle while he tries to decide the future of our family! Of course he's sleeping peacefully now while I sit here and agonize!
Gaahh! I should just tell him to get out and get it over with :(

And how would I explain to my children who are 3 and 20 months that daddy doesn't want to live with us anymore?????????

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-08-2009 - 9:03am
How is your H's bipolar affecting his professional life?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2009
Sat, 08-08-2009 - 12:53pm

He tries to keep several wrong stories going at one time ( lying )


He seems to rattle on instead of being specific


He has lost 20 lbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-08-2009 - 1:19pm
I am surprised someone higher up on the police force hasn't picked up on this and insisted on medical leave/treatment - it's such a stressful job.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2009
Sat, 08-08-2009 - 2:40pm
I thought about letting them know but he has told them that the stress is because we have seperated.....and they think that is it
Avatar for pater_familia
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Mon, 08-10-2009 - 1:16pm

Sweetie, you need to work the 180 list. It's designed to get him off the fence and to make you look attractive.

OK?

I'm sorry this is happening to you. Take care of yourself ok!

Thomas

5 kids ages 16-10, D Day: August, 2008

What's I'm doing to rebuild: Therapy, Books, Exercise, Forgiveness.

Thomas

We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2008
Tue, 08-11-2009 - 3:35pm
On January 16th of this year my world seemed to come to an end....
Avatar for pater_familia
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Tue, 10-20-2009 - 1:16am
I'm interested in some of the new people's stories.
Thomas

Thomas

We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.

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