how did your spouse act & deny cheating

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2007
how did your spouse act & deny cheating
11
Sun, 06-27-2010 - 12:12pm

I guess I want to compare stories of how our spouses acted while they denied cheating. Also, I guess I'm trying to see if they had said the same things. Body language. Anything!


Long ago my husband would blow up and point his finger at me and say....


YOU need to make a choice weather I stay or leave.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2007
Sun, 06-27-2010 - 12:31pm
oh... he also told me it was in my head. Like I wished they were cheating.....wrong
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2009
Mon, 06-28-2010 - 5:39pm

i am a little unsure of something here do you know that he was/is cheating? do you/did you find proof?

while i believe in trusting 'the gut' i also would caution you against moving too quickly in making decisions that will have a lasting impact.

you however are the only opinion that matters, you and you alone are living with this man, you and you alone know this man. many of us can relate to your feelings and questions of "am i loosing my freaking mind/ is this really happening?" this situation called betrayal is a real game changer.

remember this you are the captain of your own ship, you are not responsible for him or the marriage. the both of you are responsible for success of the marriage. if, for whatever reason, you do not feel that it is a healthy bond then yes, you must make a difficult decision. but base that decision on what is right for you - do not be made to feel guilty about a life situation.

whether you choose to stay or leave - your children will still be your children and you will still be their mother, a mother who they know loves and adores them. but more importantly a mother, who above all deserves to live in peace and harmony. children learn to adapt to divorce, but the NEVER, EVER learn to adapt to discord between parents that erupts into arguments/or silence.

just my opinion

remember this, you deserve to live each and every day to its fullest. life is short - do not find yourself in this position::::::::

i woke up today and found that i was 60 - as i lie there i wondered what happened to 30, 40, and 50.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Tue, 06-29-2010 - 9:01am
My husband carried on two emotional affairs in Jan/Feb of this year...I just had a gut feeling...When I would talk to him his "lips" would be turned down a look I have never seen on his face before.....He said 'I dont want to lose you over something stupid" that is exactly what he said to me when he cheated on me once while we were dating.... he said they were "just catching up"... "He said if only I hadnt looked at the cell bill than everything would be okay"... He said "that it is my problem, I am over jealous and I want to take all his friends away".....He looked down when I talked to him from the heart...When I questioned him he said "if this is how it is gonna be maybe I should just go" at that statement I told him "okay good go, get out of the house"..I wasnt going to be bullied into backing off, and it took him by surprise, he thought i would be like "oh please dont go" no way i called his bluff and told him to go... We are still together only because when i told him to get out it clicked in his head that i was serious...He stopped his behavior...and yes i know he was cheating emotionally- my phone bill showed him texing two other woman each 20 to 100 times daily...and when I asked how often he spoke to them he gave me this line "about once a week" yeah right......And I knew for sure when I saw the fear in his eyes when I told him I was going to check the phone bill..He looked like he was gonna have a heart attack of course I am the one who got the heartattack when I saw what was on my phone bill....
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2010
Wed, 06-30-2010 - 6:48pm
My H got very defensive when I confronted him with my proof of his affair.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Thu, 07-01-2010 - 1:00am

Can I ask where this is coming from?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2011
Mon, 05-23-2011 - 5:38pm

Wow, I could write a book. May be I will. The first time happened in the first five years of our marriage. He gave me an STD (Trich). Of course his response was, "you got that off a toilet seat." The only place I went to the bathroom in those days was home, my parents, and his parents. We had our first child the second year of your marriage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Mon, 05-23-2011 - 7:52pm

((((hugs justruth)))

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2011
Fri, 05-27-2011 - 12:28pm

Thanks for your input. We are suppose to go away this weekend and redo our vows with the kids there. I have cold feet. Never would have anticipated that one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Fri, 05-27-2011 - 2:23pm

Listen to your gut.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-1999
Sat, 05-28-2011 - 3:33am
Agreed. Sometimes the closure we wait for is closure we need to do ourselves and not just via a divorce or something, but it is just a closure of letting it go and moving forward. I know it is easier said than done, but waiting for closure just leaves you waiting.

As for your scarlet letter. Trust me everyone who knows you knows YOU and the person you are. Also everyone who knows him knows HIM and the person he is. Everyone else doesn't matter.

Hugs to you

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