How do I get over his affair

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2012
How do I get over his affair
10
Tue, 03-20-2012 - 1:35am

I

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Tue, 03-20-2012 - 2:11pm

Why do you care if he doesn't want to be labeled a cheat? You seperated because he cheated, not because of his drinking. Why add to his lies? I would be willing to bet there is a lot more that he is keeping from you. Mine was. And the pattern is the same, heavy drinking, etc.

He's not your best friend. Friends don't cross that line. He didn;t cheat because he got drunk, he cheated becuase he wnated to, and that was more important to him.

I tried to work it out with my ex, as our kids were younger, but we were not successful. Now I just look back and watch him (he is still with OW #3) and know that he will do the same to her.

He needs to address his issues, marriage counseling is not going to fix what is broken in him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2009
Tue, 03-20-2012 - 5:40pm

my discovery day was back in 05 - what a terrible year - but then so was 06, 07, 08, 09, and 10.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2012
Tue, 03-20-2012 - 5:49pm

I'm so sorry you are having to go through this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2012
Tue, 03-20-2012 - 6:11pm

Thank you so much for your reply, it was what i needed to hear that couples can survive an A. When it all boils down i still love him with all my heart & up to 3 weeks ago i believed he felt the same. He is full or remorse & guilt & has said he doesn't want to lose me or our family & will do anything to make it up to me but i struggle every day wondering how do i forgive him for this hurt he has caused not only to me but to our 3 sons (24, 22 &19) I have to hold onto the hope that he is one of the good ones that strayed not a scumbag. My 24 year old son has been a rock to both myself & H, we must have done something right together to raise such a wonderful son. I guess what i really need to do is sit down with H& ask him all the things i need to know, he has told me he will answer any questions i have, he says he was bored (he is self employed & work has been quiet) & drinking heavily & wanted me to go on the trip with him but i didn't want to go. He said he thought he could have a holiday fling & no one would find out - what a slap in the face that was. I feel such hatred toward the OW that it scares me i am normally such a rational person, she is M too but her husband doesnt know, i am tempted to tell him but then stop myself when i think of how i;m feeling do i really want to inflict that pain on someone else. My H has begged me not to contact her or him as she has apparently cheated on her H before & he has attempted suicide, don't know if that is true or just another lie to stop me making a scene. Thanks for replying it feels so good to talk to someone who knows where im coming from. I have one close girlfriend who knows everything but speaking to someone who knows how im feeling really helps. God bless.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Tue, 03-20-2012 - 6:27pm
The key is that if you both still ate on live with each other then with a lot of hard work by both you can
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Wed, 03-21-2012 - 12:42am
Wow sissy I'm surprised to her this. I remember he lied to you about having cancer a while back. So now he really does have cancer?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2012
Wed, 03-21-2012 - 10:48am

You're welcome, I'm glad you have some support from people close to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Fri, 03-23-2012 - 1:15pm

Hi broknup,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2012
Fri, 03-23-2012 - 6:43pm

Hi Ollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Sun, 03-25-2012 - 2:27am

I agree with sissy, you don't actually "get over" this crap, you just find SOME way to live with it, live with him or without him, but it's not something you ever forget.