How do you handle the ANGER???

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2009
How do you handle the ANGER???
46
Tue, 01-13-2009 - 10:32pm

I am still new to this. I put the pieces together 3 weeks ago and I am so mad I want to beat the crap out of my W's boss. I literally want to go into their office (a very large company) and beat him the cafeteria infront of everyone. I want to hurt this pr*ck so bad that he will never look at another married woman.


I can't stand looking at my W and she told me that she is moving out to her sister's this weekend. I offered to help her pack today.


Everyone found out in the last 7 days. Her parents, my parents, her brothers & sisters

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2006
Tue, 01-13-2009 - 10:45pm

no raging bull you do not want to hurt him, because in doing so you will ONLY be hurting yourself and your CHILDREN. anger, physical assault is not going to change a dam* thing. it is not going to change how you feel, it is not going to take away the pain. it is not going to erase what she did. you may be thinking it will make you feel better but it will not, because you are a better person than this. your children mean more to you than this. so, you beat the shi* out of him and call him every moth** fuc***; again i say it will NOT take away your pain.

you are going thru the trauma of what you have found out. betrayal hurts, it really hurts. i know with me i felt as though my heart was really breaking.

i will write more but i want you to read this and calm down.

if you beat the crap out of him he will take something else from you - your self control. he has taken enough, am i right?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2006
Tue, 01-13-2009 - 10:57pm

back in 05 i found out that my husband of 27 years then, now 31 almost 32 was involved with women on the internet, he was going to massage parlors, on yahoo personals posing as a widower. he was on adultfriendfinder, looking to hook up with women who were married.

i intercepted a phone call on his cell phone which he had left in my car. a woman, he had been seeing for a few months. they had gone to lunch, the movies, bike riding, and bed. i confronted him, he lied. but when faced with the fact that i had her number and was headed over there he finally confessed. faked crying, maricopa, maricopa, maricopa. then a few weeks later i woke up from a deep sleep with his password on my mind. how did that happen? i do not know. but i went down and logged on - what i found sickened me. women, several of them. one of them he had been seeing for a couple of years, they had engaged in a s unprotected. i was a maniac. i flew up to our bedroom and demanded he come downstairs. i attacked him, literally. i am not a physical person, but if i could have i would have hurt him bad. he responded by beating the living crap out of me. he only hit me on my chest, where noone would see. i was black, blue, purple over my entire chest.

i stayed, do not ask me why - long story. he was diagnosed with testicular cancer in the later part of 07. so here i sit waiting. why do i tell you this well, for 1 reason KARMA.

you need to give yourself some to heal to sort all of this out. does she love him? does he love her? does she want to work it out with you?

please whatever you do do not to not give in to violence. there was a poster previously who did just that. he ended up in jail. i am sure you do not want your children worrying about you while you are in jail. i am sure their innocense is a primary concern for you.

whatever you do do not involve your children in this mess. do everything you can to keep it from them

what do you want? do you want to stay in the marriage? can you forgive?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2008
Tue, 01-13-2009 - 11:31pm

Ragin' Bull - don't do it bro.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2009
Tue, 01-13-2009 - 11:35pm
Believe me, we have all been there... all of us who have been cheated on and dont know why, cant imagine it happening to us... trying to figure out why... the anger is real, but it is just a stage. not a good one, but a stage nontheless. it will go away if you dont let it get the best of you. what is done is done, she did what she did and taking your anger out on him wont make the situation change. Breath deeply and find somethgin constructive to keep your mind off of it!!! Everyone told me to do this and i told them they had no idea the anger i felt and they didnt understand.. what i didnt know at the time was that i was glad to go through the anger becasue then i got to the healing and moving on stages...... and i am so thankful to finally be here, and am so glad i didnt do any of the revengful or hateful things i had wanted to do out of anger.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 01-14-2009 - 7:20am
Maybe you should whistle a call off to the HR director or CEO at your wife's company?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2009
Wed, 01-14-2009 - 7:29am

I have been so consumed with this I have never thought of it. I want to destroy this M*ther f&^%$....


W moved half of her stuff out last night.


I can barely tipe..I am soooo hangover..............


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2009
Wed, 01-14-2009 - 8:01am

The only reason that I have not hurt him is that I don't want my kids with my wife, can I still call her that?


Two of my friends have offered to "help" with the situation but I have said if anything is done it will be done by me and HE will know it is me.


My kids are with my parents and are snowboarding.


19 years of marriage down the f&^%$ drain...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2006
Wed, 01-14-2009 - 12:43pm

Raging,


Please believe me when I say that I UNDERSTAND what you are feeling, as just this last Sunday,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 01-14-2009 - 1:10pm

1 - Report the affair to the boss's superiors.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2008
Wed, 01-14-2009 - 1:20pm

Boy, do I know how you feel. I dreamed that I flew to the country where my H XOW is living and spray painted wh*re on her car. I dreamed that I beat her up and I had several other dreams where I physically hurt her. But when my rational mind is working I realized that my H brought this skank into our lives. HE CHOSE to sleep with her for 8 months. HE could have said no to her advances but HE wanted to sleep with her. He made a choice to give her HIS body and risk our M and his as well as my health. So when I'm thinking rationally I realize that although XOW is a sleezy slut puppy it is my H who chose to have an A. Waisting my anger on her is a waiste of my time and energy. I'm saying this because it is your W whom you have to focus on not the OM. He's a scum (like my H) but you cannot risk your freedom on a dirt bag like him. People like them are not worth it.


I have started taking a kickboxing class and when I'm spaing I pretend that my opponent is my DH XOW. It really helps get rid of some of the rage I have in me.

Pages