How do you play nice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2009
How do you play nice?
Mon, 03-23-2009 - 7:37pm

I've recently found some text messages in my husbands phone that indicate he may be having (or starting) an emotional affair. (See post: Scared and Sad- Found Out Today)

I haven't confronted him about any of the messages or even mentioned the OW over the weekend. I am waiting until I have concrete evidence that something inappropriate is going on. (Although I think the messages are enough- I want something that he can't talk his way out of.)

My husband has always been very affectionate... ever since we were dating. (Hugs, kisses, hand holding, compliments, gifts, etc) But for the past few days it's enraging me to hear him compliment me. And I want to throw all his little gifts at him. I try not to brace myself when he hugs me. And kissing him/having sex with him is almost enough to bring me to tears.

My question is: How do you continue to act normal when you're feeling like Hell?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Tue, 03-24-2009 - 12:13pm

I journaled my feelings and I beat the sofa and said everything that I needed to say to the sofa so that when I did talk/confront

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2008
Tue, 03-24-2009 - 2:05pm

Hi Neverguessed

Understand you're in a tough spot right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Tue, 03-24-2009 - 2:13pm
I focused my mind by making the confrontation a project.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2009
Tue, 03-24-2009 - 2:16pm

it's a crappy thing to find some text messages that are out of the ordinary...i found them on my wife's phone about 2 months ago and realized she was having an EA with him for about 3-4 months at that point, it's a crappy thing...

it's kind of hard to be nice or be yourself, i mean i found out that after i asked my wife not to talk to him she still was for a few weeks up until recently...i knew about it and i tried to be calm about, best advice i got was to not show them that you are hurting...i mean if you haven't confronted him yet it's different, it's a matter of how much info you really want to collect before the confrontation, it all depends too on how your husband and if he is stubborn or not and how open he is, usually men are pretty open when they are backed into a corner, i know i do...just good luck with what you do and know that there are a number of us trying to pick up the pieces

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2009
Tue, 03-24-2009 - 4:34pm

Yes, she's a coworker. She works in a different department and so they're not working closely. But they seem to be finding excuses to go see each other all the time.

There have been no other signs that anything is going on. The only thing that I noticed was that he was a little more guarded with his phone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2009
Tue, 03-24-2009 - 11:59pm

you aren't acting normal. a normal reaction wouldn't be to be silent

over this. confront him with anything you suspect and do it now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Wed, 03-25-2009 - 2:07am

It seems your husband really really loves you but is probably getting a nice ego boost from OW and feels its harmless flirtation (mine did) but his EA did turn to a PA after time.

I had to wait a whole month to confront and since it was dday#2 i was going to tell him we are over. I had to wait the month because my sis and nephews were coming for a nice summer visit with us so I just could not ruin it for them.

During that month, I found that the less I saw him, the better so I would go to the gym after work and spend extra time whenever I had to go grocery shopping and such. He was deep

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Wed, 03-25-2009 - 3:24am

I'd say first of all you're human, so it's almost impossible to "play nice" all the time.