How effective is silence?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
How effective is silence?
15
Sat, 06-19-2010 - 12:16am

hello everyone


i have been married for nine and half year. one and half year back i came to know my H has been having an affair for last whole one year. i was shattered. i cried a lot asked him why did he do this. demanded him to end the affair immediately. He felt very guilty. not once tried to blame me for his affair. called himself selfish and weak. I didn't want to leave him. we have got 2 kids together. they r still too small to notice any tension between us.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 1:41pm
...when have we 'battled'?...I truly am interested what you think the OP has left to say to her husband...sorry you think it's a battle...if anything, I felt like you were trying to discount my experience (10 years removed from) with the infidelity and the lessons that I learned...
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 2:03pm

thank u myra and others like u who told me silence is not the answer and i need to do something drastic to make him see that he can not have both of us in his life....


yesterday i took ur advice and gave him an ultimatum.... to choose between her and me ..... otherwise i would be gone.... and i said it only after seriously considering the option of leaving him..... i knew it would work because he is always too concerned about what others think....... until now it's just between us..... but if i left him then everyone would know....


so he just immediately told OW that

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2008
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 4:43pm

You go straight to the counselor's office.




iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 7:19pm
Did he not say that he WISHES she would find someone else so that he would be free of his obligation to her? He also said he has to talk to her because of business reasons and nothing personal. So then WHY is he not happy that he finally is relieved of his obligation to her? The fact that she is crying and keeps sending him messages trying to stop him tells me that there is probably a lot more between them than he is admitting. I agree with the last poster about you and him needing marriage counseling. He needs to figure out why he thought he could lead this double life and think it is okay to do this. He has NO obligation to her at all, DO NOT EVER let him tell you that again. His obligation is to YOU and his CHILDREN period. And SHE should have seen this coming when she got herself romantically involved with a married man. Both of them are just as guilty as the other and are both going to have to face the fallout now.
He now needs to be an open book to you with the cell bill and phone, no secret e mail accounts or passwords etc.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Tue, 06-22-2010 - 12:01am
I agree about counseling.

 

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