How effective is silence?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
How effective is silence?
15
Sat, 06-19-2010 - 12:16am

hello everyone


i have been married for nine and half year. one and half year back i came to know my H has been having an affair for last whole one year. i was shattered. i cried a lot asked him why did he do this. demanded him to end the affair immediately. He felt very guilty. not once tried to blame me for his affair. called himself selfish and weak. I didn't want to leave him. we have got 2 kids together. they r still too small to notice any tension between us.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sat, 06-19-2010 - 5:19am
So he won't give her up? Maybe you should just ask him if he wants an open marriage. That will REALLY make him think about WHAT he is doing. I have seriously come to the conclusion that these men can carry on with the OW, BUT they could not handle the thought of their wives with another man. Yeah they'd go thru the roof over that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Sat, 06-19-2010 - 6:16am
that's a good idea. may be i would try that. but the problem is i can not do what he has done. this is something i am incapable of doing. in past i had opportunity
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Sat, 06-19-2010 - 5:17pm
The one thing that truly matters in your situation is that he refuses to give her up.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Sat, 06-19-2010 - 5:22pm
I've read that many times!!!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sat, 06-19-2010 - 8:10pm
Yeah it's the whole male ego thing of they cannot handle the thought of another man invading their space. LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sat, 06-19-2010 - 8:12pm
Oh, I could not ever cheat either. I don't believe in playing games like that. I was not saying that you should actually cheat, what I'm saying is that by asking him if he wants an open marriage, it will make him think about how he would feel IF you were doing it. Food for thought so to speak.


Edited 6/19/2010 8:15 pm ET by peaceyma
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Sat, 06-19-2010 - 10:54pm

I am not silent because i have given up. i am silent to punish him. i know my silence bothers him. everything u r telling me i should tell him has already been talked and discussed between us the first time i came to know about his betrayal. I cried, shouted , demanded him to leave her. I told him that there was no hope for us if he is still in contact with her. He knows what i think so i haven't got anything new to say to him and he has got no new excuses to tell me. i am tired of hitting my head with the wall.... now i want peace that's why i have chosen silence over arguements.


For me he is just not there. i am ignoring him even though we still live together. and all this bothers him

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Sun, 06-20-2010 - 11:38pm
Is this working for you?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 8:53am
...what do you think she should say to him that she hasn't already told him?...other than "it's over, get out"...
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 1:36pm
Can I ask you a question before I just block your posts?

 

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