How far did your spouse go

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2007
How far did your spouse go
Thu, 02-04-2010 - 3:07pm
How far did your spouse go in their A? Did you find out the extent of what went on? Did you discover all the sordid details?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Thu, 02-04-2010 - 5:18pm
This is one of the hardest questions.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2009
Thu, 02-04-2010 - 9:38pm

he went so far as to have a 3 year affair with a woman. they engaged in unprotected anal sex, cyber sex, car sex, phone sex.

my unsolicited advice: don't try to find out all of the details. sometimes it is just too much for the mind, heart, and spirit.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2010
Thu, 02-04-2010 - 11:44pm

I struggle with this question as well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Fri, 02-05-2010 - 1:47am

DH went FAR...3 years with OW and the only reason it stopped was due to me finding out and telling him we were DONE. His affair went on so long that it became a habit to him as XOW made it so easy for him

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2010
Wed, 02-10-2010 - 5:30pm


6 months of lies:

"I'm going to the gym" at 430 every morning...only he wasn't.

"I'm going on a weekend hiking trip with friends from work"...only he wasn't.

"I'm going on a weekend hunting trip with friends from work"...only he wasn't.

"I'm going to work on a Saturday"...only he wasn't.

"I'm going to play poker with friends from work...all night by the way"...only he wasn't.

When I was visiting family out of state for a week w/the kids, he stayed with her the whole time. I think they even spent New Year's Eve together.

I didn't flinch at the weekend things w/friends, because we live in a town that we haven't lived in long and wanted him to have his own friends...boy was I wrong!

There were THOUSANDS of text messages between them...all day at work...on his way there at 430 am...middle of the night...after work...all the time.

They work together.

He even brought her to the movies with him and my 5 year old and 6 month old...and to a pizza place...telling me they were just friends...GOD I"M STUPID

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2010
Wed, 02-10-2010 - 7:07pm
Oral sex - her to him often, him to her less his car, her van, in parking lots, in a filthy workshop, in her house - in a hotel -
anal sex - see above for places too for all
vaginal sex
secret meetings at least once a week in the beginning, she drove an hour to go take her clothes off where ever for him, or they met in parking lots.
She lost her kids (3 boys) CPS took them away due to her leaving them alone sometimes all night long
Yeah I found out a ton of stuff - I made him say it to my face. So he could see how filthy and sleazy it really was.....
Plus she's more than 70lbs more than me -
he never knew how to spell her last name, barely if at all can pronounce it, and after only 3 1/2 months of NC can't remember her face or voice - they lived together for 3 months - total affair was 9 months - she was even going to legally change her last name to ours because he wasn't going to marry her - hello we're still married..... ugh!!!!
So I found out just about everything I guess =- all the gory gross details - he was embarrassed and uncomfortable - too bad - I didn't want them to have any secrets with her at all - and I'm thinking they don't -
Plus he had my name tattooed in a heart on his arm and would never cover it up for her - hello - wasn't that a hint? As long as there are people that will stoop low enough to drive an hour to have sex in a parking lot of Wal Mart in the van their kids sit in - there will be A's and as long as others need to have their egos stroked by these lowlifes, I guess it will happen, I'm in MC w/ him to try to make sure it never happens again. Only 1 second chance here - next time he's gone for good!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2010
Wed, 02-10-2010 - 7:10pm
Oh and I waited 4 months into R until I asked him 4 pages of detailed questions. He answered them all. I needed to hear it, and needed him to say them all to me while looking me in my eyes!!! Didn't think I could handle it right away and I was right.... but I needed to hear it and have him say it to my face. It did help him to see it for what it was, and did help me, because I was imagining all of this anyway, so I needed to know.......
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Wed, 02-10-2010 - 10:03pm

My husband was serial limerent. He