How to get my wife to go to counseling??

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2008
How to get my wife to go to counseling??
5
Fri, 02-06-2009 - 12:37pm

Okay, so I've posted a couple of messages about the struggles my wife and I have faced over the past 6-8 months and I've had a lot of great feedback, so I thought I would raise other questions that I have in hopes of getting some more helpful advice. The short version of the story is that my wife had at least an AF with a coworker and the wheels fell off of what I thought (and my wife used to agree) was a wonderful relationship. The relationship become very volatile (lots of arguing and no pleasant times together) for several months until I decided to go about it another way (i.e. stopped confronting her every time I saw/noticed/suspected something) and we began to become friends again, though she was against going to counseling....I think because she was afraid to own up to her actions.

Anyway, in the past few weeks, she has expressed and interest in going to counseling and has said that she wants our marriage to work. I think that her going to counseling will be a HUGE help and is probably the only thing that will allow her to get past that last bit of hard feelings where she seems to be stuck and push forward. BUT, now I'm in the position where I don't want to keep pushing the idea on her going to a counselor for fear of scaring her off. I also don't want to not push it and let her slide backwards. Any suggestions on how to handle this delicate situation? I can almost see daylight here, but we have more work to do before we're there. Has anybody else experienced this? If so, have you found a way to gently nudge your spouse in that direction without dragging them?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2008
Fri, 02-06-2009 - 12:39pm
Whoops....I meant to post this on another board, but feel free to jump in here too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2008
Fri, 02-06-2009 - 1:19pm

I

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2008
Fri, 02-06-2009 - 2:40pm

1st time around I scheduled counselling with an EAP counsellor, she agreed to go- the counsellor was terrible and probably did as much harm as she did good.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2008
Fri, 02-06-2009 - 4:06pm

That's great!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2008
Fri, 02-06-2009 - 5:07pm
I have been going to a counselor for several months, but she has not been moved to follow so easily. I also went to a counselor twice in July before asking her to go.....she wasn't ready and things went badly. In fact, it was the very next day that her and the OG kissed (the only physical part that I am aware of), so I'm not too inclined to push her again. I realize that she needs to be ready and she needs to make the decision. She has told me twice in the past week that she needs to talk to a counselor (on her own at first), so that is BIG progress and the gesture means a lot more to me because I know it was completely her decision and it tells me that she really does want to work on our marriage. So it is a delicate situation. I did forward some names of counselors that my counselor recommended and I'm leaving it at that for now (that was 4 days ago), but I want to have a plan in case this stalls.