How to get through the first month...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2009
How to get through the first month...
19
Fri, 05-15-2009 - 9:04pm
I just found out that while visiting my parents back in the midwest, my husband, who was supposed to be visitng his mother for Mother's Day, flew to have an affair with his ex-girlfriend. He refused to answer any of my calls while I was on vacation. When I got home, I called his mother to inquire where he was and she had not seen him in over a month!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2008
Fri, 05-15-2009 - 9:43pm
Without addressing any of your specific issues, only "how do you get t through the first month"..all I can say is that, for me, it was simply one step at a time. I remember the first night, going up the stairs to bed and saying "I can check this day off". Soon, it was a week, then I could check a month off. You just have to get through the day. You will have many rough patches ahead..but try to pull yourself out of bed, get showered and dressed, and get through the day and tell yourself that you can do it again tomorrow. Hope that helps. It has been 10 months for me since Dday and, while it has been SO hard, I am now where I feel stronger and stronger each day...you can do it no matter what the future holds.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2009
Fri, 05-15-2009 - 9:58pm
Thanks for your prompt reply!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Fri, 05-15-2009 - 11:19pm

I'd suggest you consult a lawyer to find out what you can do about the house if he doesn't cooperate with you. While you're at it, find out about ALL your rights (financial and otherwise) in this situation. Then communicate with your husband, or with his workplace, through the lawyer.

Keep reminding yourself that anyone who would walk out on a wife without warning or explanation is not worth having. He has shown you his character (or lack thereof). One day you'll thank your lucky stars for having him out of your life.

F.




Edited 5/15/2009 11:24 pm ET by freelancemomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Sat, 05-16-2009 - 12:27am
As hard as it might sound, I think your first move needs to be to contact a lawyer.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2009
Sat, 05-16-2009 - 12:55am

Thank you for your advise. I have contacted a lawyer to file for divorce. Yes, the house is in his name only. We bought it before we got married and I never got added on. I just feel so alone. All of my family is in the midwest and I am on the West Coast.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Sat, 05-16-2009 - 4:15pm
If any of what I said was helpful, then you're welcome.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2009
Sat, 05-16-2009 - 5:00pm

Hi Myradorn,


Thanks again for your support and advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Sun, 05-17-2009 - 12:39am

I think I own the Oscar for the obsessive thoughts, but of course that's normal.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
Sun, 05-17-2009 - 12:42pm

You have been through a terrible, terrible trauma and it will take months to feel normal.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2009
Sun, 05-17-2009 - 2:00pm

Thanks for your advice. Each time I wake up, when I can get to sleep,I think that he will be there beside me, or downstairs in her house. I don't know how I am going to get through this..


I keep thinking he would at least call and give me an explanation or say something, but he keep ignoring my calls and his family won't tell me anything.

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