how long do i fight for him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2010
how long do i fight for him?
Tue, 02-09-2010 - 6:50pm
I found out a few days ago that my husband, while on vacation, had an affair. He says that what he's done is unforgivable, and that we should divorce. He doesnt say this out of guilt; he does not feel guilty for doing it, just that it's unfortunate that i got hurt. I dont want to lose my husband, but how long do i fight for him before i give up?


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 02-10-2010 - 7:59am
Really, it is HIM who should be fighting to keep YOU.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2009
Wed, 02-10-2010 - 12:12pm

I am sorry you have to face this. From a male POV it means he believes the marriage
is not worth the effort to rebuild and is ready to cut his ties. He may not be sorry now
but after a trip to your lawyer I am sure he may be. He sounds like a very logical thinker he will get the picture. When he has that message his story will change.

Good luck to you

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2010
Thu, 02-11-2010 - 7:07pm
I have to agree with a previous poster........He needs to fight for you, not the other way around.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2009
Sat, 02-13-2010 - 7:36am

sure seems like there's a whole lot more to the story that you aren't getting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2010
Sun, 02-14-2010 - 12:12am
He appears to just be throwing in the towel pretty easily here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2009
Sun, 02-14-2010 - 12:47pm
I agree with Lily. Don't waste another moment of your life on him. He'll only hurt you again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2010
Sun, 02-14-2010 - 2:32pm

I know for me, he wasn't acting normal, he was out of control and angry. He didn't want to fight because SHE was still in the picture. As soon as I put my foot down, took control of my life, ended things with him, he came around and came around big time.

it was the hardest thing I had to do, I went into counseling for support and she coached me, help me write letters and told me what actions to take.

make sure you have support, helps a lot...

now we are doing well, I just have my bad days... seems like if I don't stay busy, it creeps up on me....

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Mon, 02-15-2010 - 4:57pm

I know you must feel devastated, but you can survive this.

Find the 180 list and start practicing it to make yourself stronger. It will help you get your confidence back.

Start copying all things financial. Get your financial ducks in a row and then go see a lawyer

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2010
Tue, 02-16-2010 - 2:58pm


If it's just been a few days, you're in shock and numb.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2007
Sat, 03-13-2010 - 4:00pm
I get all the crap about him needing to fight to keep you, but that is not always what it I about. Read the book "Help Meet" some of it really helps in this case. My husband had an A about 3 years ago and was the same way. He never thought I would ever be able to get over it and therefore he wasn't even going to try. It was easier for him to give up, but I was not going to let that happen. I fought and fought to make him realize that I was the one he should be with and that we could get past it. It took a lot o strength and determintion on my part , but I was not going to let the OW take my life and family. Fight as long as you feel you need to. Yes he should fight to regain your trust, but life is not black and white. I am so happy in my marriage now. We are better than we ever were and it is because i did not give up and when he came around and realized I was here to stay and get through it he gave me everything I needed and could ask for. If I had listened to everyone else I would be a single mom of two. Instead I have a wonderful family and life. Do what you want and feel not what you "should do" because of what he did to you. After all it is your happiness at stake and ur life to live. No one elses.