How many 2nd chances?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2008
How many 2nd chances?
36
Wed, 01-14-2009 - 7:43pm

In addition to the rage & (displaced) anger I'm reading, I'm also reading many posts about women & men giving their spouses 3rd, 4th, 5th...chances.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2008
Wed, 01-14-2009 - 7:46pm
Well said! Amen
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2008
Wed, 01-14-2009 - 8:00pm

I hear you california,


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2008
Wed, 01-14-2009 - 9:10pm

<<

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2006
Wed, 01-14-2009 - 11:24pm

California,


I am in day 3 of finding out about my H, and this is the 2nd chance I am giving him after finding out some things last year.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2006
Wed, 01-14-2009 - 11:55pm

i apologize, i just read another post you entered on this board and i lost it and sent you a not too nice post.

then i read this one and i think 'IS THIS THE SAME GUY???????'

unfortunately, i am one of those that you speak of. the answer to your question i do not have one. i too, once, when i was young thought and believed the same thing, one time is one time too many. then it happened to me and i stayed, after more than i can count. i am not proud of it, no, rather i am disappointed in myself. i know better, i deserved better.

if you can bottle your 'hoofspa' let me know how much you charge and i will send you a money order. hell, we might just make you a rich man. ha ha

again sorry for the insult.

kathleen

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2006
Thu, 01-15-2009 - 12:11am

so cali girl i am a so cali woman, ha ha - much older i am sure i am now 59

you are right we all need to find our own way. i am not judging you, but i would like to offer this advice - i would like to tell you that you deserve the best the absolute best; and he is not giving that to you.

i am you, only many years down the road. back then i stayed, and i stayed and i stayed. i stayed even when i found out he had fathered a daughter 3 years into our then 21 year marriage. oh he cried, he pleaded, he promised never again. well never again happened within 1 year.

i would like to share with you this - our baby girl is now 19, at the time of his last 'hell, i don't even know what to call it' she was 16. up to that point i had kept it a secret from all of our kids. well, this go around she found out, they all found out. all of the others are grown, she was my gift from God, the baby I had at 41. when she found out she was hurt, deeply hurt. she hated him, she told him she could not believe that he could do this to her mother. she called him a hypocrit, she told him he was like a God to her, now he meant nothing. she had wanted to marry someone just like him, now what?????????????

i stayed, she told me "how could you let any man, even my dad disrespect you like this, how can i respect you when you do not respect yourself enough to put him out?

i am sitting here embarassed telling you this. i have told many others this, i have shared my journey hoping that it will make a difference to others. no man is worth it, trust me. at 59, a fine looking 59 i might add, i sit here and wish i could turn back the hands of time and be the strong woman that God created me to be.

i do not mean to lecture, i do not have that right. but i want to let you know that in staying i communicated to my husband that it was ok. hell, if all he had to go thru was some yelling, crying, the silent treatment, being locked out of the bedroom for a few weeks why not do it again. there were no consequences. in my case my actions told him i did not value myself more than him. my actions told him i loved him more than me. WHAT A MISTAKE THAT WAS>

MY HUSBAND HAD NO EMPATHY, HE NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT HOW HE WOULD FEEL IF I WOULD HAVE DONE IT TO HIM. HE NEVER GOT IT. it was all about him.

IT SHOULD BE ALL ABOUT YOU.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2006
Thu, 01-15-2009 - 12:45am

Hi Planin...


How do you like this AMAZING weather we're having??

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2005
Thu, 01-15-2009 - 1:09am

Sorry just had to ask you in Southern California?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2006
Thu, 01-15-2009 - 1:15am

Hi Heidi,


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Thu, 01-15-2009 - 1:27am
Mine is at strike #3, and he knows there will be no more.

 

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