How many 2nd chances?

your kids may have SEEN you at your worst as you call it - but if your worst is reacting to the love of your life betraying and disrespecting not only you but your children, if your worst is dealing with the loss of the life you thought you had, if your worst is feeling the blow to your heart and spirit that she could/would go to that place with another man - THEN I BEG TO DIFFER THEY DID NOT SEE YOU AT YOUR WORST. no, they saw their dad, their father, their mentor, their protector, showing pain-----that is not the worst.

as i read your post i was taken with your empathy. empathy for your children and even her. that alone shows you are a good man.

the fact that she could not understand what and how you were feeling when you found out does not make you weak, but makes her very selfish and self indulging. she, unlike you has no empathy.

perhaps, the life she is living now is living proof of just how badly things can go wrong. i agree, that if she were to come to you and want to reunite it would be alot of red flags. is she has to wait for it to go south to realize what she had, then you are better off continuing on your journey without her. keeping in mind, i am simply a voyeur here, it is your life and you must do what is best for you.

you taking care of you, staying strong is the biggest life lesson that your children will learn from you. to be able to face adversity and be able to fight your way thru emotionally, intellectually and spiritually will be all inspiring for them. our children look to us to learn how to react to adversity in life, you have been inspirational in my opinion. the fact that after all of this you remain civil to her and even worry about her says a great deal about your integrity. you have been a great example of how MEN should carry themselves. i will share something with you that i have posted before. my then 16 year old daughter was besides herself when she found out that her father had been a life long cheater, even fathered an illegitimate daughter. she and her siblings, (his, mine, ours) were devastated. she not only was angry with her father, but she was angry with me. why? for staying, for living all of those years with a man who only loved himself. she had never understood why he never went to her basketball games (she played all thru school, was the captain in her junior and senior year - even took her team to the championships). the reason he was never at his games, he was with them, the other women. she told her dad "i thought of you as this perfect father, almost like a God, i wanted to marry someone just like you - NOW, no, never would i marry someone as low as you."

so, you see your actions speak so much louder than words.

much happiness to you and your children in the future.