How many 2nd chances?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2008
How many 2nd chances?
36
Wed, 01-14-2009 - 7:43pm

In addition to the rage & (displaced) anger I'm reading, I'm also reading many posts about women & men giving their spouses 3rd, 4th, 5th...chances.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Fri, 01-16-2009 - 5:43pm

Thanks zb & california.

 

Malia

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2007
Fri, 01-16-2009 - 6:22pm

In the last post I forgot to ask you something.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2008
Fri, 01-16-2009 - 7:21pm

Highwire


We're birdnesting too as you said.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2008
Fri, 01-16-2009 - 11:05pm

Please take care of yourself. You need to eat & you need to sleep.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2006
Sat, 01-17-2009 - 3:42pm

zb, as a father to young women i am sure you understand that they use you as their measuring stick for their future partner. your actions and reactions to all of this will stay with them the rest of their life, they are fortunate to have such a loving father.

have you ever considered that maybe the older ones have questions they would like to ask but do not know how to approach it? perhaps, individually you could spend some time and bring up the question "are there any questions you have about all of this, i am here to answer them as honestly as i can, we are a team, as your dad i want there to be no secrets between us." it is possible that they do have questions but are attempting to protect their daddy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2009
Sun, 01-18-2009 - 6:32am
My husband was living a secret life that I found out about shortly after we married. When we came back from our honeymoon I found out he lived a totally different life online. In the push of one button he could contact hundreds of women and he did. I've given him chance after chance after chance. He lies, and sneaks around and I still never totally get the truth. what's confusing is that he doesn't want a divorce. I think somewhere in his mind I should just deal with everything he i doing until the day he wakes up and decides not to do it anymore. I've had enough,, but it hurts so bad because I love him so much. But, he just wont stop. I don't understand why. I think he enjoys hurting me. Not only did he have an online life, but he started meeting and trying to hook up with women in our area that he met online. Everything was so sexually perverted. He had women on his phone, in his emails,everywhere. After we married he would just so conveniently forget to log off and all this stuff would be on the computer. I feel and felt like such an idiot. The man I fell in love with no longer exist. I feel like he was playing a game with me pretending to be the man that I had been waiting for. Then once he finally had me and married me the challenge was over. He would sit in my face and talk to these women on the phone or on IM while I slept. He has numbers in his wallet and everytime he gets caught he tells me how much he loves and cares for me but I don't think he does. He promised so much to save the marriage, but now I think it was all a game to get me to stay. Months later when our relationship seemed better and as if it evolved, I found out he was talking to one of his ex girlfriends who was also married. They both claimed they were going through problems in their relationships due to their cheating and needing help with each other to try and fix it. When I asked him to give her up and her husband asked her to give me husband up they both refused. We told them that thats a perfect formula for cheating. You should have saw my tears when my husband looked me in my face and told me he could not and would not give her up, that now she was just his friend. But this is someone he use to talk sexually too online and he was supposed to give all of those women up for the marriage to work. I have kept all my ends of the bargain but he hasn't kept one of his. Shortly after counseling started he refused to keep going because he refused to admit that he had a porn problem that was causing intimacy and other problems in our marriage. I just feel ssoooo stupid for still loving him.Then , I found money orders he was sending to another ex-girlfriend and he wasn't working at the time. It seems like he is more concerned for being there and being hero to other women than being a husband to me. He just got caught two weeks ago and he still walks around like nothing happened. I feel so stupid for not being strong enough to walk away.

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